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You probably heard that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady had a 20-minute, post-game love-fest after Sunday’s game in the locker room of the Tampa Bay Buccanneers.
You also heard, no doubt, that nothing was revealed about what these two Shakespearean characters actually talked about.
Until now.
It turns out they had a lot to unpack about all that happened last season when Brady led his team to the Super Bowl title – the oh so important one that gave him 7, one ahead of Belichick, making us all realize it was Brady and not Belichick who was the most important factor in the Patriots winning 6 Super Bowls.
The conversation went down like this:
Brady: So Belch, before last year’s Super Bowl did you really hang out in the Pirates ship in our endzone and concoct a major plot to stop me from winning my 7th Super Bowl?
Belch: Who told you that?
Brady: I read all about it on the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog. He wrote about you digging tunnels underneath the ground and into our locker room so you could listen in to our strategic planning and relay that inside-football information to the Chiefs to help them win.
Belch: Effing Sportface. He keeps exposing me doing bad things. He wrote about me smoking weed with Ricky Williams. Great pot, but I didn’t need the world to know about it.
Brady: So the pot and the plot are all true? You’re such a loser and so insecure about the fact that I won you six Super Bowls that you actually set up a scheme to stop me from proving I’m the Greatest of All Time football player.
Belch: Don’t deflate my balls, Tom. Can’t we just bury the hatchet?
Brady: Oh noooo. Never ever never ever never ever. You didn’t appreciate me and never told me you loved me. Psychologically and emotionally, I needed you to caress my ego but you never give me that. You called me Johnny Foxboro and that hurt my feelings.
Belch: It gets worse, Tom. You know why I’m going to trade Stephon Gilmore to the Panthers this week? Because I know you want him to come join you with the Buccaneers and I can’t allow that to happen because he’s a great defensive back and will help you win 8 Super Bowls. So I made sure to cut an attractive deal for the Panthers so Stephon would go there and not join you.
Brady stands up in the locker room. He throws his helmet against the wall.
Brady: Get out, dirty old man. You scum. You sore loser. Out of here, now. You took away my star defensive back but you can’t stop me from preying on more of your players to come play with me and you know I will and they’ll want to come to Tampa Tomland because no one likes playing for you. Why don’t you just retire and Belch away the rest of your life? It’s over. I whipped your ass last season and won 7 and your sorry-ass team has no chance of ever winning a Super Bowl again because I’m not your quarterback. Get out, old man. You’re old. You’re a crook and you’re pathetic and you’re a loser with the personality and looks of a dead squirrel.
To be continued…
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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