Having a Super Bowl party at my crib tomorrow. Racing to Publix after this blog to load up on grub: snails, squid, lemon juice, teriyaki sauce, Oscar Meyer bacon, Jiffy Pop, Strawberry Frosted Pop Tarts, and tapioca.
When guests walk through my door, I’ll confront them with a hybrid plate of snails and squid to whet their whistles and make them wonder why they accepted the invite. The goal is to establish imbalance.
After this palate cleanser they’ll find out they must participate in a game Sportface created in which we all place our bets on things like:
How many pieces of confetti will be on Travis Swifty’s face when Taylor smooches him on the field in the celebration of love, lasciviousness, and the Lombardi Trophy
How many times Sportface will switch from the Super Bowl to Joker hoops highlights during the game
How many commercials in the first half will have artificial intelligence undertones, underpinnings, connotations, or innuendoes
How many deepfake passes Mahomes will chuck to Travis Swifty that will appear to be real but are actually machine-generated videos created by the NFL IT team?
This whole betting process will get tedious, disorganized, and argumentative about the rules so we’ll quickly pivot to the drink portion of the event. Guests will be offered an eclectic assortment: Grapefruit juice, Yoohoo!, Cream Soda, Cheerwine, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, Blatz Beer, Piels Beer, fermented wine, jungle juice, and carrot juice with sausage gravy.
Mid-way through the second quarter all the guests will tell us something urgent came up and they have to leave. Sportface will fake disappointment and wish them all the best as he shoves them out the door.
But secretly he will be pleased he can spend the rest of his weekend in peace watching Joker behind-the-back-pass highlight reels sipping carrot juice with Bojangles sausage gravy dripping off his chin.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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