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Wearing a pirate’s black eye patch over one eye, with a Camel dangling from his lips, Captain Ahab Whit hunched over at the steering wheel of his dilapidated boat on crutches, hobbled, crippled, and agitated.
The day before on a deep-sea fishing expedition he tried unsuccessfully to haul in a great white shark. But the shark won the game of tug of war. Whit’s right hip came apart from its socket, causing him to lean on crutches for today’s boat boondoggle.
“Getting too old for this bullshit,” said Whit. “Too many people on my boat. Too many Booze Croozes. Too many orange crushes. Too much Swordfish.”
He swung his crutches around trying to knock people off his boat.
“Where’s Swordfish?” he roared. “I wanna knock his head off.”
Swordfish was on another boat taking notes for this blog.
“Don’t wanna ride with Whit,” said Swordfish. “He crashed our boat last summer.”
Whit is still ticked off about that incident and the fallout. He smashed into a telephone pole and then broad-sided the boat next to his. This mishap, plus the fact that Whit never parked his car where he was supposed to at the marina, got him kicked out of the marina for life.
“That was total bullshit,” said Whit. “After I smashed the guy’s boat, I offered him a beer. I thought we were cool after that.”
The marina manager didn’t think Whit was cool. He kicked him out. Now Whit parks his boat in another marina for outlaws and pariahs.
“Swordfish is never riding on my boat again,” said Whit. “He writes bogus blogs about me that go viral. Has there ever been a bigger pain in the ass and loser than Sammy Swordfish?”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
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