Bonus

Fez Band to Break Out “Luca’s Mom” Single During NBA Playoffs

By Sammy Sportface

Posted on July 8, 2020

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Desperate to generate fan interest in the playoffs next month in Disney World, Florida, the NBA has announced that a nationally renowned 1980s rock band will break out a new song and play it constantly for the NBA players.

The Fez, a group of former frat brothers from Wake Forest University, will take the wraps off their new hit single, “Luca’s Mom,” at the Dolphin Hotel on August 17, the first day of the playoffs for the 22 teams.

At the swanky, fish-scented hotel, the band will play the song three times a day and twice on Saturdays throughout the playoffs and before every playoff game. Players will be serenaded by the tune during breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Knock-Off of “Stacy’s Mom”

“Luca’s Mom” is a knock-off and thematic replica of the 2003 hit song “Stacey’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne. The strong illuminates the prurient story of an 11-year-old boy finding his virility and falling in love with his girlfriend’s voluptuous mother while cutting grass at their house.

Watch this video to relive that boyhood-meets-manhood coming-out party:  

Luca’s Mom is the model Momma of Dallas Mavericks star Luca Doncic, who became one of the league’s best players this season. Rocking number 77, which is an oddity for a basketball guard or any NBA player, Luca is cool, but this story is not about him.

Played during layup lines

The song will be played during layup lines of every playoff game. During starting line-up introductions, five players will be introduced from each team. Then  Luca’s Mom will strut out as the Fez bust out “Luca’s Mom.”

“We needed something to get people watching NBA games, and Luca’s Mom is certainly worth watching,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver.

Silver got in trouble recently by Tweeting that he wanted to ditch the NBA playoffs and flee to Disney World with Luca’s Mom. 

During TV commercial breaks during the games, viewers will get to watch a split-screen. On the left will be the “Stacey’s Mom” YouTube video (see above); on the right will be Luca’s Mom in various outfits such as a Wonder Woman costume, a Little Mermaid Outfit, a Snow White dress, a maroon Fez cap, and a Bo Derek fire engine red bikini.

Fez members declined to comment

None of the Fez members were willing to be interviewed for this story. But a statement from The Fez written by their public relations manager, Sammy Sportface, reveals why they decided to release “Luca’s Mom” during the re-opening of the NBA.

“We don’t typically like to do knock-off songs but we decided to make an exception, in this case, to help reinvigorate fan interest in the NBA and the “Stacey’s Mom” single we’ve played for decades at Casino Night and Snakefest. For those of you don’t know, those are two national gigs we do every year and every other year, respectively.

We gotta give major props to Sammy Sportface for landing us this opportunity. This sports blogger managed to pull off a double play: associating the Fez brand with one of the greatest songs of all time while cross-promoting its brand with one of the world’s leading sports leagues.” 

Royalties will go to Facebook

Under terms of the agreement, all sales of the “Luca’s Mom” record generated by the Disney World performances will be funneled towards driving growth in the number of growth of followers of the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Facebook page.

“The Fez believes it’s only fair that Sportface gets the monetary benefits and royalties associated with the unleashing of this song,” wrote the Fez in a prepared statement. “He loves Stacey’s Mom and Luca’s Mom more than anyone else. And he came up with this workable idea to have the song played at the NBA playoffs. It’s a brilliant example of how to promote music and sports simultaneously and link it to a timely event while invigorating several brands at once.”

Fez invited to Cinderella’s Castle

Luca’s Mom recently invited NFL stars Tom Brady and Gronk to be with her at Disney World. She also said he would be open to the Fez members staying with her at Cinderella’s Castle throughout the playoffs.

The band’s adventurous bass guitar player said he would be up for that. But the lead singer, who controls the marketing, advertising, and social media postings for the group, said it would dilute the band’s brand to hang out with Luca’s Mom after releasing a song about her.

“I think it’s a bad idea even though it would be an interesting experience,” said the lead singer. “I acknowledge its validity but have this caveat: I don’t support Sportface’s ideas even if they’re good.”

In another prepared statement for the Fez by Sportface, the band decided it would rather not get too close to the subject of their song. They said they need to keep their objectivity about Luca’s Mom and t

Ralph Jerry Garcia, president of NGSCSports, said he likes the idea and will publish the blog. But he refuses to pay Sportface any money for this original content unfindable anywhere else in the blogosphere.

“Sportface is on his own,” he said. “I’m just using him. Sure “Luca’s Mom” is a lascivious idea and will bring millions of fresh eyeballs to TV sets during the NBA playoffs. But business is business. I like Sportface personally. But I don’t care if he starves to death. Plus his blogs are never true. So how valuable can they be?”