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Because I’m here to serve your needs because I’m good at wasting time, and because I’m feeling lost because my team is in the NIT, last night I studied the rosters of all 68 teams in the March Madness tournament so you wouldn’t have to do the research and could find out right here and now all the key guys who’ll be playing in the tournament starting Thursday.
Some, I’m guessing, you may not be familiar with. A few common threads jumped off the roster pages: several guys have the same first and last name which seems redundant and confusing and an international societal trend, yet, in the end, doesn’t rise to any level of importance for our purposes here or any other purpose I can think of that might apply. Some guys have, arguably, unpronounceable names, others clearly stand out everywhere they go when they tell people their names.
I’m thinking of Rocket Watts of Oakland U., who must have a quick first step or shot release or fast car; and Toney Toney of U. Alabama Birmingham, who conjures up memories of Andrew Andrew Toney Toney; and Boo Buie of Northwestern which, if his middle name is Buoy, would be Boo Bouy Buie but that seems implausible for various reasons we can’t afford to get into here.
On the cusp of March Madness kicking off in earnest, here’s a rundown of the key guys to watch:
Egrem Butta Johnson, Deekley Dronkmeylek, UConn
Boo Buie, Cold Weather, Northwestern
Lagoon Gwath, Sar Bloozrethington, San Diego St
Tony Toney, Bobby Bobbie, Joey Joseph, Ricky Bobbie, UAB
Orange Peal, Citrus Squeeze, Crytl Cyangeleth, Florida
Atiki Ally Atiki, Tikitoe Barloz, Ylpzrn Dwo, BYU
Dae Dae Grant, Night Night Ulysses, Duquesne
Dai Dai Ames, Morning Night, Kansas St
Omaha Biliew, Peyton Manning, Iowa St
Tanner Teslaa, Elon Telsaa, Wx Flrem, S Dakota St
Augustus Marciulionis, Augustus Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, St Mary’s
David Michael Xzavierrolokwur, Xaaierrolokwur X-man, Grand Canyon U
Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoch, Ocho Thatchrelly, Baylor
Tleri Ayo Faleye and Maple Syrup, Vermont
Rocket Watts, Rocket Man, Elton John, Remmy Tradle, Oakland
Fallou Diagne Naivalurva, Ballouzel Tonwerk, Western Kentucky
Max Agbankpolo, Marco Pololce, Utah St
Funnel Cloud, Surrender Dorothy, Kansas
Achor Achor, Anchorman, Enron Donna, Sanford
Nifaly Dante Meechie Johnson, Erzent Kcgent, Oregon
Ali Ali, Ali Ali All Come Free, Akron
Cheese Curd, Plez Jez, Wisconsin
Cactus Jack, Hrymim Azy, Arizona
Snookey Wigginton, Nook Blfri, Nevada
Szymon Zapala, Zer Kler, Yherjjathonmom Krlyewk, Longwood
- Otter, Cren Zreth, Jiminy Christmas, Albxjmajarezhblbbxox Zyzxelrmpolzxel Long Beach State
Good luck tracking these guys.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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