Bonus

Sammy Sportface: Bethany Booze Crooze Sinking To Bottom of Sea

By Sammy Sportface

Posted on July 31, 2020

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Booze Crooze Tooz, an event that had all sorts of promise just a few weeks ago, has been dropping like an anchor as countless members of the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood have abandoned ship before the scheduled boat launch on August 1st.

Brothers have neither expressed interest in the event nor said whether they are going to show up, which leads one to believe this boat trip will be an unremarkable bust.

“Sportface thinks we’re having a Booze Crooze on August 1st, but he fails to understand is that no one wants to hang out with him,” said Rudyface, who drank 34 orange crushes during Booze Crooze One earlier this summer. “Sure, we may go on a boat ride, but you can be sure we’re not going to tell Sportface where or when it’s going to happen. Sportface ruins boat rides. He writes about them before and after on Facebook but no one cares. On the rides all he does it ask Dankos about his girlfriend.”

The personal disconnects stem from the fact that the members of the Brotherhood who would actually make this a worthwhile event – especially Whit – don’t go on Facebook ever so we can’t ever know what his plans are or whether he has any interest in this event. So everybody continues to be non-committal.

“If I show up, I show up,” said Whit, who smokes four packs of Camels every day of the week. “But I ain’t spending no time Liking a Sportface post on Facebook or any of that social media stuff. It’s a boat ride, man. Let’s not make it out to be more than it is.”

He puffs his cig and inhales. He holds in the smoke for 28 seconds, then while tilting his head backward exhales watching the smoke billow into the summer evening sky.

Meanwhile, Dankos remains coy about whether he will join the Crooze even though his presence remains extremely important to give the stories he needs to repeat that he told during Booze Crooze One.

“I know I entertained the fellas and I’m a big draw for this second go-round, but I’m not sure I feel the need to hang out with those group again,” said Dankos. “Plus I’m in a serious relationship right now and that may have to take priority.”

The latest list of Brothers still uncommitted for this event includes Frank Ryan, Zmuda, Kenny Cassidy, Russell Lacey, John Mullaly, TR, Billy Silk, John Wack, Michael McLaughlin, Moose, Gil, Johnny Williams, Snake Leasure, Vinny Scanlon, Lorenzo Gil, Brian Sheehan, Bobby DePaul, Jim Reyes, Daniel Cunningham, Rooster, Jimmy Cardaci, Pat McLoon, Buddy Sass, and Joe Glea.

“All these guys are sitting on the fence waiting for a better offer,” said Sportface. “But the truth is if they post for Booze Crooze Tooz their lives will be forever changed. They will see life through a different lens. They will discover things about themselves they didn’t know.”

“Don’t believe that nonsense and don’t bother coming,” said Rudyface. “No one’s going on any boat rides with Sportface. The guy is a fraud and a lame event organizer.”