From his jail cell, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell calls Tom Brady, who reclines on his beach towel during the Daytona Beach rally featuring Gronk, Gisele, and Frankie Avalon.
“Get me out of jail, Tom,” said Roger. “It stinks in here and I need to get back to my office in New York City so I can do some social distancing.”
“Only if you help meet my demands for playing for the Buccaneers,” said Brady.
“Anything you want,” TB.
Brady conveys his list of demands.
First, he wants the Bucs to change the team name to the Dragons because he loved the dragon character in the movie “Shrek.”
Second, he wants a 12-year-old boy to be assigned to deflate his footballs before every game.
Third, he needs a slick, cylindrical, gold pole in the basement of Gronk’s house.
Fourth, he needs Ricky Williams to get a front row seat in the pirate’s ship in the endzone of Raymond James Stadium where the Dragons will play home games. Every time the Dragons score, Ricky gets to take a bong hit.
Fifth, Mississippi football coach Mike Leach, a renowned pirate fanatic, gets to sit next to Ricky and Antonio Brown; after each game, the three of them, with Leach dressed as a pirate, get to climb into AB’s air balloon and float up high above the stadium singing pirate songs.
Sixth, a dragon needs to be built of the same size and scale as the skull in the endzone.
“What’s the pole in Gronk’s house for?” asked Goodell.
“Entertainment,” said Brady.
“What about Leach? He lives in Mississippi. Tampa’s a long way for him to travel every week.”
“He’s a freak about pirates,” said Brady. “Make it happen, Roger. Or stay in jail while I party with my pals in Daytona.”
“I’ll call the Bucs front office today and have them meet all your demands,” said Roger. “What do I care what changes the Bucs have to make as long as I get out of the clink. It’s not good for my image being here.”
“Sho ain’t,” said Brady. “Sammy Sportface has been writing about your situation every day and he’s got 15 followers.”
Brady hangs up. Gronk, in his thong, has just finished gyrating to “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol in front of 32,456 screaming college girls.
“Did you get Roger to agree to a pole in my house in Tampa?” he asked.
“You got your pole,” said Brady.
Mike Leach calls Brady.
“How about we call the Bucs the Pirates?” he asks.
“Has to be the Dragons,” said Brady.
“How about we propose the Tampa Bay Pirates and Dragons?” asked Leach
“Sort of wordy,” said Brady.
“How about the Pirgons?” asked Leach. “We’ve got to get Pirates in there somehow. I love pirates. I think pirates are cooler than people.”
To be continued…
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