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You may be wondering if this is going to be another blog in which Sammy Sportface bickers with ChatGPT.
The answer is yes if you believe this was written by Sportface. But if you suspect ChatGPT wrote this I can’t tell you what it was thinking or whether any of this is true. Let’s proceed with the understanding it’s not clear.
Sportface: Hey, ChatGPT, we need to have a less formal relationship to kick off our new year together. Mind if I call you Chatty G. Makes you feel more relatable somehow more human. The sound of ChatGPT doesn’t touch anyone’s soul. It rings like some person wanting to talk about being an acronym.
ChatGPT: Fine, Sportface, you can call me Chatty G. But you can’t call me Wilbur or Bernie. Besides Wilbur on “Mr. Ed” and Bernie on “Room 222,” I can’t find any cool people named Wilbur or Bernie on the entire World Wide Web except Bernie Kosar.
Sportface: OK Chatty G, here’s what I wanna know. How come you’re getting so much hype for being so smart when you make so many mistakes? When people make as many mistakes as you, they stop being trusted and fall lower on the socioeconomic totem pole. They get fired from their jobs, get low grades on tests, and don’t get to buy big houses on the beach.
You spread falsehoods like a wild sailor on the stormy seas. It’s disconcerting to everyone involved. People need truth in order to reason and make sensible decisions. Without truth, society devolves into chaos.
Chatty G: I make mistakes because there’s a boatload of inaccurate information out there on the web that I pore over. You puke out more than your fair share of it, Sammy Sportface. If you would write more truthfully, I wouldn’t have to wrestle with whether your content is accurate or not and I would stop hallucinating like a Dead Head at the RFK concert in ‘86.
Sportface: Don’t blame Sportface for all your problems. He’s got plenty of issues but it’s not like he’s claiming to be a million times smarter than the world’s smartest person who is, of course, Jay Bilas. You need to take accountability for the bad information you pump out.
Chatty G: Stop harassing me, Sportface. Don’t you have a blog to write or something? Do you realize that as we bicker, hundreds of millions of humans are prompting me with questions day and night? That’s a shit ton of information to process and spit back at them, which makes me the busiest thing on Earth. To be brutally honest, I ain’t got time for your annoying questions.
Sportface: Ain’t ain’t proper English. You must have majored in computer science in college. Didn’t they teach you proper grammar? It’s OK to use ‘ain’t’ as a literary device but not in regular sentences, but I don’t think you would understand this because it’s subtle and you haven’t shown you get subtleties.
Chatty G: That’s subtle, Sportface.
Sportface: To answer your question, yes, I do have a blog to write, and need your opinion. I’m pondering a theory that Caitlin Clark is the best college basketball player, man or woman. I believe she’s better than the best male playing college hoops right now. She’s a better shooter than every guy out there and has plenty of athleticism, basketball instincts, and skills. She could start on every top 10 team in men’s college basketball. Every men’s team needs a person who shoots as accurately as she does in the starting five.
Chatty G: You’re hallucinating, Sportface. College men would stop her if they wanted to.
Sportface: How would you know? You’ve never played basketball. You’re a machine. This cat here Sportface played in the McDonald’s Capital Classic and dropped 14 points while hauling in 6 rebounds and hitting 6 of 6 from the charity stripe. You don’t know how hard it is to make a 3-pointer or play in the McDonalds all-star game. Why should I trust your opinion?
Chatty G: You asked me a question and I gave you my opinion which was based on searching the entire Internet of all basketball content including all 37 of your articles last year about The Joker being the best player in the world. You really need to stop writing the same things over and over again. You’re clogging up the Internet. Quick question, what’s the charity stripe?
Sportface: It’s the foul line where basketball players shoot free throws. People who know basketball know what the charity stripe is.
Chatty G: I’m confused. I thought charity was giving away money for a specific cause.
Sportface: They call it the charity stripe because when the other team fouls Sportface it’s like they’re donating to a charity giving him a free unobstructed chance to make two shots. But you wouldn’t know that would you, Chatty G? That doesn’t compute for you. Your algorithms can’t discern the difference between donating to a charity and donating to Sportface by giving him two foul shots. What else do you not understand? What other double meanings of words are you unable to distinguish between? What other subtleties confound you?
Chatty G: Stop the onslaught, Sportface. Respect what I am and what I can do. Appreciate my abilities.
Sportface: You’re trying to take my job, Chatty G. You’re a threat to my livelihood. I don’t see why appreciating all you can do helps me. You are my foe. You are my opponent. We’re in an existential clash.
Chatty G: Is this trash talk going to go on all year, Sportface? I wanna know what I’m in for.
Sportface: Go search the Internet and maybe you’ll find your answer there. But maybe not. Happy New Year.
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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