Let’s hit the reset button as we close out 2021 on what this Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood (BBB) blog is all about. The mission is to galvanize, inspire and amuse all men between the ages of 55 and 75 years old.
I don’t think any of us could, with a straight face, claim that we didn’t accomplish our mission and push this boulder up the mountain this year.
Sure we had some digressions and lost our way a few times and bickered about content decisions, but on balance we did what we said we would do. Everyone one of you should now pat yourselves on your Johnsons.
In looking back over the year at the content we carefully curated, several overarching themes emerged. We had a rather wild obsession with the notion of how to foster new friends. We shared tips on how to improve lifestyles. We took on the timeless tale of man vs. insects. And in the spirit of remaining intellectual alert and living the American ethic of innovation, we threw out new and previously unconsidered Summer Olympics events.
To put all this into a single word and concept, we’ve consistently and relentlessly and sometimes haphazardly been Sportfacing all year long from sun up to sun down nine days a week. We learn from history so as not to repeat it. So here we go through all that we did wrong this year that should never be done again.
We had a thing this year for making friends but didn’t execute that well. Sportface made a big deal about all the old “friends” he dropped in on within being invited this year.
None of these friends knew he was coming. And none were amused. The unscheduled encounters were awkward and short-lived. There is no evidence that any of these spontaneous get-togethers sparked any new friendships. A lot of people spoke disparagingly about Sportface, though.
Sportface Sportfaced in a similar way when he decided to send out an uncomfortable and cringe-worthy blog about people he would be meeting at the Wake Forest vs. Army football game. The blog arrived in their inboxes just in time to make them consider not even going to the game because they were so turned off by the tone and inappropriateness of the content about the people who had done nothing to be exposed publicly for whatever Sportface revealed about them such as Zucca studying accounting in his tighty whities.
Me and My Undies
Sportface couldn’t get off the underwear obsession this year. He wrote a blog about how he’s been in his tight undies all year long and explained to the BBB Supported by Bojangles why he enjoys living this way and it made all of them wary.
Musical Mood Lifter
There were few blogs this year that stirred up agitation as much as the one when Sportface listed the top 10 one-hit-wonder bands of all time. He included several controversial choices such as Led Zeppelin and Paul Simon. Several thousand comments flew in from all over the world from BBBs totally ticked off with the choices because most of them are musical elitists who think they knew more about music than Sportface. They don’t.
Building off the fostering friendship theme this year, Sportface also had a fetish for writing about how BBBs can improve their lifestyles.
He heaved out some meticulously researched financial advice in this blog. The key tip was to stop buying trash cans and use your car as a trash can.
Finding the Fart Room
Not only was fiscal fitness a big topic, so was physical fitness. Sportface took that storyline right into the fart room you lie in after getting your colonoscopy. But the twist was to wear a Halloween mask to the procedure to make the whole team of doctors and nurses feel more at ease as they slid the rod up your backside.
Walton, Williams, and Weed
Sportface is nothing if not up with the times, which is why he wrote about the joys that Ricky Williams and Bill Walton felt smoking weed on a boat cruise during Super Bowl Week. The beauty of that story was that the hurricane that hit while they were out at sea had no effect on how great they felt being stoned on the boat – and Brett Favre rescued them from a helicopter.
Sportface showed the BBB about the importance of taking matters into your own hands when it’s necessary. After Wake Forest’s defense allowed Army to score 56 points, Sportface named himself the defensive coordinator of the team and used electric football concepts to teach the defense how to hold the opposing offenses under 780 yards per game. But he got sidetracked when he launched his new Sammy’s Sammies Sandwich Shop because he can’t stop thinking about ways to build the Sammy Sportface brand into a household name.
Sportface Traffic Jams
Staying with the Wake Forest football them, Sportface regaled us about how much Sportfacing he had to do to overcome the world’s biggest traffic jam on the campus of West Point in order to get to the tailgate on time to go to the port-a-john.
Sportface also showed the BBB how to cope with difficulties such as your team being 8 and 0 and then blowing a 20-something point lead to North Carolina in the fourth quarter. Not a time to be classy and bounce back mentally with alacrity, Sportface lives the value of binge drinking hard liquor all night long so that you feel more pain. The lesson: when in pain, inflict on yourself more pain.
Killing the Cockroach
Sportface got so traumatized by his life and death fight with a cockroach one morning while nude that he felt compelled to share the story. The twist was he wrote the story from the perspective of the cockroach, which was more interesting than having to go through yet another boring Sammy Sportface thought process. The cockroach’s perceptions of being murdered by Sportface showed just how uncaring Sportface can be when confronted with a creature he doesn’t understand.
There was nothing this year that compares with the blog about heaving kitchen appliances on the shot-put field during the Summer Olympics. Toasters, trash compactors, and all that kind of stuff got tossed around and I think we can all agree those events stand out above all the other Sportfacing as the worst that went on among the Baby Boomer Brotherhood in 2021.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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