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This week I asked one of my brothers, a Baby Boomer, what he would spend his time reading on the Sammy Sportace blog. He said financial advice.
You’ve been around long enough to know that customers are always right. You’re keenly attuned that delivering hyper-personalized customer service is the fast track to financial fortunes and fiscal fulfillment.
So here are five financial tips for you Baby Boomer Brothers bound to boost your bottom line.
Tip One: Use your car as an extra trash can
Instead of spending $10 to $25 for three or four trash cans in your house, just use all the extra space in your car as one big trash can.
An ideal spot to drop trash is in the foot area in front of the passenger seat. Heave all your hamburger wrappers, Whopper boxes, plastic milkshake cups, and barbecue sauce cups there. It’s actually a good organizational practice because you know where all your car trash is within the car. It’s like a buttoned-up filing cabinet system.
Then of course you’ve got your spacious trunk. There you could dump bigger junk pieces such as hunks of sweaty and smelly grass clippings, rusted lawnmower blades, and cruddy and rusted clubs you snapped and heaved into a pond and had to retrieve by wading through pond muck.
Tip Two: Use dress pants as cut off shorts for playing in men’s hoops leagues, bowling tournaments, and gold weekends
No need to buy any new dress pants or new dress shorts for the next 10 years. Pull your dress pants off their closet hangers, grab your skizzors, and cut all the pants into shorts, some to the knee, a few really short like hot pants.
This will save you $179 to $298 dollars in shorts you don’t have to buy over the next 10 years. Sure they’re gonna get frayed pretty quickly and look ratty and unstylish. But would you rather look ratty and have $298 in your pocket or look better and be out $298?
Rhetorical question.
And when you go to the golf course, you’ll get into non-boring conversations with various constituents. Gary Golf Pro will probably warn you frayed cut-off dress pants are inappropriate.
You can then whip out the course rule book. Go to the page where it says you can’t wear cut-off dress pants. You won’t find it. No golf course rule book says that so, by the principles of basic logic, it must be approved attire.
If Gary Golf Pro pushes back, you can threaten some sort of lawsuit. He may take you to court. You’ll probably win. That’s tens of thousands more in the bank for you.
Three: Invest in quantum computing
Don’t try to figure out what quantum computing is. There are YouTubes you can watch all day and it won’t really make much sense. But one thing’s for sure. It’s the next big thing beyond artificial intelligence and blockchain.
If you put down $1,000 on some company developing quantum computing software today, in five years you’ll make between $5.72 million to $11.23 million return. With that, you’ll be able to retire near the beach somewhere and have more time to read Sammy Sportface blogs.
Four: Eat at fast food joints at least twice a day
This is straightforward. Every time you eat at a fast-food restaurant it’s like compounding interest in your individual retirement account.
You’ll pay about $10 to $14 per visit. A restaurant visit would be about $25 per visit when you factor in tips. Nobody pays tips at fast-food restaurants so it’s a frugal move to frequent fast-food joints frequently.
This all adds up. All told, you’ll save about 40 to 50 percent on your food bill every month by eating fast food twice a day. And you can use all that extra money to buy extra cases of Fanta Grape Soda.
Five: Create a pickleball business and differentiate by selling pickle juice
So everybody’s creating pickleball businesses. You need to get in on this. Within two years, there will be more pickleball courts than there are basketball courts in the United States. Pickle Ball Phantasmagoria will become more popular than March Madness.
Put down $50,000 to create four courts someplace near your house so you have a quick commute to work. But sail into the blue ocean of business where there’s no competition, away from the maroon blood waters of commodity price wars.
Offer pickle juice as the beverage on the courtside for players. Charge them $10 a cup. It will be like Starbucks. Charge a lot so people think the pickle juice is somehow better. It doesn’t have to be. All that matters is creating the perception in pickle players’ minds that the pickle juice is worth $10 a cup.
The pickle juice will have everybody flocking to your courts. You’ll make big bank.
And that’ll free up your time to play pickleball all day long. Afterward, you’ll be able to drink pickle juice until you puke and write it off as a business expense.
Then get in your maroon BMW and rock to this Maroon 5 tune:
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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