Frank Caliendo interrupts Danica Patrick as she’s sliding on Isotoner Gloves onto Mississippi’s hands to prepare him for the Big Toss event.
“Hey Danica, I bet I can beat you in a car race around Lambeau Field,” he says.
“You’re on,” said Danica. She hops into her NASCAR ride and Calliendo gets into the Wienermobile that he’s been driving around the country the past several days with Madden, Mississippi, and Sammy Sportface.
“Hey wait, I mean, boom, I mean if you and Danica are gonna have a car race around Lambeau Field I mean, boom, I gotta be in the backseat for that sitting in the backseat and then, boom, we’ll race like it’s a race.”
They cruise out of the tunnel.
They get to longitudinal and latitudinal coordinate locations of the George Foreman Grills and the Forman Five who continue to breakdance. The Jackson Five has arrived and rocks “I’ll Be There.”
George Foreman Senior gets in his position to start the race. “Gentlemen, start your grills,” he yells. And he drops the rag signaling the race is on.
“Can you believe this unbelievability?” says Caliendo impersonating Madden. “I mean, boom, we’re at Lambeau Field in the Frozen Tundra and we’re racing Danica Patrick around Lambeau in a car race and, I mean, boom, we’re in, boom, the Wienermobile and there are live turduckens frying on George Foreman Grills and the, I mean, there’s the Jackson Five. I mean, only Brett Favre could have made all this happen because he’s, boom, Brett Favre.”
“That’s exactly what I was gonna say, Frank,” says Madden. “I mean, boom, you’re right. Only a guy like Brett Favre could make all these things come together on the same day in the same place and I mean, boom, it’s just another example of why Brett Favre boom makes my head explode. That tells you something right there.”
The Wienermobile and Danica’s NASCAR vehicle rev up to 200 miles an hour each. Coming around to the first lap by the grills, they notice Brett Favre is standing there in his Wranglers, Tommy Copper pelvic supporter, and Marino’s Isotoner Gloves.
Then Madden notices that Favre has started running alongside them at 200 miles an hour.
“Look at this guy, Brett Favre, he’s running alongside us at 200 miles an hour,” he says. “I mean how many guys do you know can run 200 miles an hour? There’s only one and boom his name is Brett Favre. I think this might be the happiest day of my life. I get to watch Brett Favre run 200 miles an hour from the backseat of the Wienermobile as we circle Lambeau Field 200 times I mean, boom, you’ve got to believe that only Brett Favre could make this happen because he’s, I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean, he’s Brett Favre.”
Aaron Rodgers is miffed. He thinks Favre has joined the car race because he’s afraid he’s gonna lose the Big Toss event. He’s always been suspicious that Favre is not all that Madden makes him out to be and that underneath it all he’s an insecure guy.
Coming around lap 139, Rodgers trips Favre, who then falls on his face to the parking lot asphalt. You can imagine Mississippi hitting the frozen tundra pavement at 200 miles an hour would cause a honkin’ scrap on his face. Blood oozes from his cheeks, forehead, and nose. His Tommy Copper torso belt snapped off. His Isotoner Gloves got ripped and the hands of his palms got all scraped up and bloody.
His Wrangler Jeans got scraped so there’re now rips at the knees.
“Hey turn around,” yells Madden. “Brett Favre fell down. Rodgers tripped him. We need to see what’s gonna happen next, I mean, this is Brett Favre on the ground and now he’s getting up and I mean I mean he’s Brett Favre so we’ve gotta watch him, boom, fight Rodgers.”
Out there in the parking lot as the Jackson Five plays “I’ll be There Over and Over” and the Foreman Five continue to breakdance despite the accident that happened nearby, Favre stares at that guy who stole his starting quarterback job years ago that he’s never gotten over emotionally and psychologically.
And now that same guy tripped him while he was racing the Wienermobile and Danica around Lambeau.
It’s come to this. It always does. The confrontation between two men who detest each other.
“You’re scared you gonna lose to me in Big Toss,” says Rodgers. “So yeah, I tripped you on purpose. What are you gonna do about it? I bet nuthin. You’ve not what Madden says you are you. You’re a washed-up old man hawking Tommy Copper pelvic straps.”
All bloodied up, Favre steps towards Rodgers.
“Then he did what I mean only boom Brett Favre could do and I mean I mean, it was just you’d expect Brett Favre to do,” said Madden.
To be continued…
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