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Sportface Unmasks Names of 8 New XFL Teams
The XFL, a new professional football league to be launched in 2020,
has released the names of the league’s eight teams. They are the:
• Canton Ohio Busts (bronze jerseys)
• New England Ex-Patriots (red, white and blue jerseys)
• Pecos, Texas Parokeets (maroon jerseys)
• Butte, Montana Mullet-Heads (black, brown, and blonde striped jerseys)
• Daytona Beach Rough Riders (black jerseys)
• Cleveland Blues (midnight blue jerseys)
• Cleveland Browns (brown jerseys)
• Vince McMahon Frauds (red, white and blue jerseys)
The Canton, Ohio Busts will be a team that wears helmets shaped like
busts of the noggins of players who have been inducted into the NFL
Hall of Fame. The helmets will be bronze and be confusing to opponents
because each week the players will wear different busts. As a result,
the scouting that opponents do of this team won’t be time well spent.
For instance, one Bust player might be Gale Sayers one week, Barry
Sanders the next, and Brett Favre the next. This will vary by players’
jersey numbers and whether the team is playing at home or away.
The New England Ex-Patriots will be a team loaded with guys who were
once on New England Patriot Super Bowl champion teams who were
subsequently cut by their coach, Bill Belichick. This team would be
allowed to have up to 785 players on the team, rather than the typical
45, because that’s how many Belichick has cut from his championship
teams. The team will be coached by Bill Belichick, who will retire
next week from the NFL after winning his sixth Super Bowl. He will say
the reasons are to spend more time on his Nantucket yacht and to
pursue new challenges in the upstart XFL.
The Pecos, Texas Parokeets. This team will have lots of birds flying
around their stadium during games so much so that people will think
they’re watching the eerie movie “The Birds.” To this day that flick
has spooked people about too many birds taking over the world. Pecos,
Texas is out yonder in West Texas a few hours East of El Paso and it
has plenty of open space, dirt, and dust. There are also plenty of
tumbleweeds that will be dispersed throughout the field during games
to create a differentiation compared with the NFL, which doesn’t have
tumbleweeds on its fields though it should make the games less
boring. But if this catches on they may copycat the XFL and do so.
Anything to stay competitive and make more money is the NFL way.
The Butte, Montana Mullet-Heads. On this team will be a roster of 45
guys all of whom will have mullet hair doos. Some of the mullets will
be curly, others straight hair and others will have blonde, brown,
and black streaks. To show off their Mullet-Heads, this squad will
play without helmets.
The Daytona Beach Rough Riders. This team will consist of motorcycle
riders who annually attend the Daytona Beach biker convention and wear
tattoos, black leather jackets, and faded and ripped blue jeans. This
team will arrive at the games by riding their motorcycles through the
stadium tunnels and out onto the field where they will do wheelies and
engage in some smash-up derby crashes to get the fans fired up to see
the Rough Riders rough up their opponents on the field. This team will
play in biker helmets and won’t wear shoulder pads or jerseys so fans
can see their bicep tattoos.
The Cleveland Blues will steal away fans from the Cleveland Browns,
who lost all 16 games this season. The Blues will be just as bad as
the Browns, however, and give those fans an even worse case of the
football blues. On the bright side, the Cleveland Blues will have
great half-time shows featuring an eclectic assortment of first-rate
rhythm and blues bands.
Losers of all 16 games this past season, the Cleveland Browns will
defect to the XFL where they believe they have a better chance of
winning at least one game per season.
The Vince McMahon Frauds will be coached by XFL founder, Vince
McMahon. The team will be made up of various members of the
professional wrestling community including Hulk Hogan, Rick Flair, and
the Missing Link. McMahon’s Frauds will not be legitimate football
players and they won’t practice or prepare for games. The whole goal
of this team will be to have flamboyant and absurd introductory
ceremonies of the players wearing wrestling capes.
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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Well, get a team in New York and I might just watch it…
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