1
0
This is a desultory day each year for some people namely those who have been rooting for a college basketball team that narrowly misses out on being selected into the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament.
We hear you. We feel you.
And we want to help you.
So we crafted this practical step-by-step guide to enable you to cope productively with your annual bout with Selection Sunday Snubbery Sadness.
Step One: Go up in your attic and see if any squirrels are scurrying around. You don’t need them in your house; no one ever has. They’re like rats. If you see any, go to Ace Hardware, buy a squirrel trap, place a hunk of goat cheese as bait, place the trap in the attic, and wait to hear the squirrels scream so loud the local convenience store clerk can hear them.
Step 2: Check for any cobwebs and/or spiderwebs in your basement. If you spot any, wipe all of them away with your bare hands. It may get messy. You may get entangled. Some cobwebs may get stuck in your eyebrows or stick to your face. Plow through it. Be determined.
Step 3: Go to your backyard and check the status of your septic tank. Is it full? Half full? How’s the lid? Does it shut tight? How’s the smell?
Step 4: Grab your toenail and nose hair clippers. Turn on Selection Sunday. Watch all the other teams stand up and celebrate being selected and not yours. Don’t get caught up in the emotional scenes. Just clip your toenails and nose hairs dispassionately. Pretend none of this is happening. Go into full-on denial. Don’t even think about the fact that your team could have been selected had it won a few more games.
Step 5: Go to the office of your colonoscopist. Lie down on your side. Allow him to examine your insides with a steel probe. Tell him you want to have this exam every year on Selection Sunday as a ritual to commemorate your team getting snubbed.
Step 6: Go to your local library. Check out a book on how to cope with not being invited to big parties. Read those books in the way that you’re inclined to; don’t let anyone influence your approach. Maybe just browse and skip around, or maybe take notes and write a blog summarizing the key points. If you blog about it, don’t get sappy and self-absorbed. Make your blog actionable for readers. Get outside yourself. You’re not the center of the universe.
Author Profile
-
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
Latest entries
BonusApril 28, 2024Tribute to My Mentor: Mel
BonusApril 26, 2024Spiderman Favored to Win Golds At Olympics Climbing Events
BonusApril 24, 2024German Rides Record 93-Foot Wave In Run Up to Olympics Surfing
BonusApril 22, 2024Old Friends Reconnect As New Friends