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On August 18th 45 years ago I stood on Rehoboth Beach in Delaware when my friend’s sister approached us with authentic tears in her eyes.
“Sean Keegan died last night in a car accident,” she said.
I remember my first thought being, as just a 15-year-old boy, that my carefree childhood had just been blown to smithereens. Processing that my junior varsity basketball and baseball teammate was gone was something I never want to feel again: utter agony, like the worst dream anyone could ever have.
Sean was gone, forever, at least from this life. Haven’t seen him since. Haven’t spoken to him since. Haven’t watched him on the pitcher’s mound.
The lasting image I have of Sean is watching him buckle knees of McNamara High School baseball players faked out by his hard-cutting curveball then, when they were expecting another curve, getting overmatched by his missile fastball. In this championship game, Sean hurled his usual dominant way carrying us to the championship. He pitched 10 games and won all 10.
Proving a lot can happen in a short period of time, three months later I sat in the front row of the church thinking what he might be thinking, if anything, lying motionless in his casket. Hundreds of kids were there suffering mentally. In utter silence. In shock. In disbelief.
Our young innocent lives were no longer innocent. Sean’s death crushed so many of us, casting an eerie shadow over the rest of our high school years.
On a boat ride a few weeks ago a mutual friend of mine and Sean said “The worst day of his life” was the day Sean died. His death was that staggering, a grief beyond anything any of us had ever experienced and, in many cases, ever have since.
Because he was so young, just 16. Just a boy. Because we didn’t expect it. Because we didn’t want any of us to die. Death was what older people did. Sean was young, one of us.
After 45 years the emotional pain has eased. I don’t think of Sean every day or every month. But at this time of year especially leading up to August 17 when the car smashed into that tree, I think of him. August is not the best of months for me. I get wary that something tragic might happen at this time of year.
Throughout my freshman year, Sean and I would ride home together on the Metro Bus after practices. I was just getting to know him. We may have ended up close friends to this day.
I think of why he died and have never had anything close to a satisfactory answer. His dying was awful in every way. A young kid with so much to offer the world took his last breath.
He was not even a junior in high school. Gone as fast as his fastball. Life dealt us a curveball as nasty as his.
I think about how fortunate I have been to have lived a much more lengthy life than Sean. I got to finish high school and college, get married, have kids, and experience a career. I feel blessed. But why me and not him?
Sean experienced none of that. Why I don’t know. Life’s list of unanswerable questions is long.
Around the time of his funeral, I remember hearing one song, new at the time, that still conjures up those futile feelings. Sung by Chris Rea, it’s titled “Fool If You Think It’s Over.” These haunting words in the song have always struck me because it seemed foolish that Sean’s life was over, but it was, a teenager dreaming and then not dreaming anymore, a dying flame and flamethrower.
I wish one thing: that Sean has been at peace the past 45 years and that one day I’ll see him in Heaven and we’ll grab our baseball mitts and have a catch together.
“Fool If You Think It’s Over”
Lyrics
A dying flame
You’re free again
Who could love
And do that to you?
All dressed in black
He won’t be coming back
Well, save your tears
You’ve got years and years Spice ‘Bikini Bottom’ Official Lyrics & Meaning | Verified
The pains of seventeens
Unreal, they’re only dreams
Save your crying for the day
Fool if you think it’s over
‘Cause you said goodbye
Fool if you think it’s over
I’ll tell you why
Newborn eyes always cry with pain
At the first look at the morning sun
You’re a fool if you think it’s over
It’s just begun
Miss Teenage Dream
Such a tragic scene
He knocked your crown
And ran away
First wound of pride
And how you cried and cried
But save your tears
You’ve got years and years
Fool if you think it’s over
‘Cause you said goodbye
Fool if you think it’s over
I’ll tell you why
I’ll buy your first good wine
We’ll have a real good time
Save your crying for the day
That may not come
But anyone
Who had to pay
Would laugh at you and say
Fool if you think it’s over
‘Cause you said goodbye
Fool if you think it’s over
I’ll tell you why
Newborn eyes always cry with pain
At the first look at the morning sun
You’re a fool if you think it’s over
It’s just begun
I’ll buy your first good wine
Oooh, we’ll have a real good time
Save your crying for the day
Newborn eyes always cry with pain
At the first look at the morning sun
You’re a fool if you think it’s over
It’s just begun.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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