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The Brett-Favre-led caravan cruises through Chicago and the northern section of Missouri on their way to this weekend’s game in New Orleans pitting the Chiefs against the Saints.
Favre tells Caliendo that the Beverly Hillbillies car he’s riding in with Jeb Clampett and Jethro Bodine needs to get in front of the Wienermobile.
“Follow us. We need to spend the afternoon partying and grilling in the Ozark Mountains of Missouri where the Beverly Hillbillies struck gold, got rich and moved to Beverly Hills amid swimming pools and movie stars.”
“I mean, I mean, only a guy like Brett Favre could come up with an idea like that then, boom, Brett Favre comes up with the idea,” says Caliendo imitating John Madden who reclines in the passenger seat playing the John Madden video game.
“I mean, this is amazing, I’m playing this video game and the name of the game is my name,” he says. “I mean how many guys play a video game and then find out the name of the game is their own name? Only Brett Favre could come up with an idea, boom, like that.”
With the Hillbillies leading the caravan, they pull into a grill site enveloped by big rocks and trees in the Ozark Mountains some 603 miles from where they started in Green Bay earlier today.
Center stage is Daisy Moses, aka “Granny” and the wife of Jeb and ma of Jethro, cooking up her favorite recipe, possum, for the crew.
“I ain’t eatin’ no possum not possibly nor presumably,” says Stephen A. Smith as he steps out of the Jackson Five Jalopy. “Time to get me some marvelous McRib sammies at Mickey delicious Dees.”
“I’ll drive,” says Sammy Sportface.
He takes off with Stephen A. in the Wienermobile for a stack of McRib sammies while the others gather around the campfire and watch Granny grill the possums.
Danica Patrick pulls up in her race car. She’s with Aaron Rodgers. On the sly during the Lambeau Field festivities, the two of them put their past differences behind them, set aside the fact that Danica has a thing for Favre in Wrangler Jeans, and made up.
“We’re a couple again,” said Rodgers. “I stole her back from Favre. The guy can never beat me at anything.”
Favre’s phone rings. It’s Roger Goodell.
“Brett, we need you and Rodgers to do the halftime show at the Super Bowl this year,” he said. “You can have that big toss contest you were going to do at Lambeau before getting sidetracked by the Greek Freak’s bling.”
“I got a few conditions,” said Favre.
“Shoot,” said Goodell.
“You have to guarantee the Foreman Five will be breakdancing during the contest and Jackson Five tunes play the whole time.”
“Deal,” said Goodell.
Granny’s possums look kind of black on the outside. She’s burning them. But nobody cares. They’re distracted by the vistas of Ozark mountains. The mere sight of them is moving each one of their souls in ways their souls have never been moved before.
“I mean, I mean, who else could get a group of people like this together to grill possums with Granny on the boom, Ozark Mountains, on our way to the Chiefs/Saints game tomorrow in New Orleans?” asks Madden. “I mean, only a guy like Brett Favre could get people to feel their souls.”
“What’s this possum?” asks the Greek Freak, who signed a deal for some $200 million this week to play hoops for the Bucks. “They are no possums in Greece.”
“They’re a mixed breed of rats and raccoons,” said Jethro. “We were shooting rats and raccoons one day when we struck gold in these mountains.”
Forrest Gump and the runners that joined him along the way (so far) arrive 30 minutes after the rest of the vehicles had parked and people started chillin’.
Rocky Balboa, sporting his black hat, gray sweatsuit, and high black Converse All-Stars, ran alongside Gump as they slowed to a trot and then halt after the 603-mile trek. His dog Butkis ran too but looked pretty winded.
“Hey Yo,” he says to George Foreman Senior. “I shoulda broke both your thumbs.”
A barefoot guy who looked rather old to be running long distances came in second behind Forrest among the hundreds of runners. Originally from Ethiopia, Abebe Bikilia won the Gold Medal while running barefoot through the entire 26.2-mile marathon at the 1960 Olympics.
“My feet hurt,” he said. He sits on a log off to the side.
The Jackson Five start playing banjos to enhance the hillbillie vibe.
“Hey Granny hurry up with the possums,” says Favre. “After we wolf them down – no pun intended — we need to get back on the road and caravan all night long to make to New Orleans in time for tomorrow’s kickoff.”
Stephen A. and Sammy Sportface pull into the campsite in the Wienermobile. Both of their faces are covered in McRib sauce.
“Sportface forgot the napkins,” said Stephen A. “What a neandrethally nincompoop. Any possum left?”
To be continued…
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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