No NBA player is more miffed about the NBA season being halted than Luca Doncic. When the season stopped in March, the Slovenian super-baller had been threatening to finish the season with the rare triple-double, averaging 28 points, 9 rebounds, and 8 assists. An MVP season he was having.
Like 263 other NBA players, he has been on the recent unproductive and scattershot Zoom calls during which the players have bickered about whether to have the 22 teams hold the playoffs in Mickey Mouse Land or anywhere else.
When we last tackled this thorny situation, LeBron James had floated the idea as of way of engaging the guys to come to play for him to escort Mickey Mouse down Disney Land Lane each day during the parade, taking the place of Minnie Mouse, Mickey’s wife slash girlfriend.
As a theatrical crescendo, he would then dunk the cartoon character through the highest spire of Cinderella’s Castle.
Doncic thought this idea was visually interesting but in the end a non-starter and basically absurd. An idea occurred to him that he believes will get these guys outside their whining selves and agree to go to Mickeyville and do the playoffs.
His idea, which he shared on the Zoom call, was all about his Slovenian mom, Mirjam Poterbin. She would be present at all the playoff games. At half-time of each one, she would lead a one-woman fashion show of Cinderella and Little Mermaid outfits.
Over at Disneyland park each day, she would be the featured attraction at a host of Disney Rides the players could attend during the playoffs.
She would wear a Slovenian-style bikini and swim around in the assortment of Disneyland water rides including the Castaway Creek, Run-Off Rapids, the Slush Gusher, the Typhoon Lagoon Surf Pool, and Under the Sea.
For the Journey of the Little Mermaid ride, she would be the Little Mermaid, long fishtail, and all. Players would be able to get pictures of her emerging from the water.
During the “It’s a Small World” boat ride, she would swim around in the water as the NBA players road in their boats looking at doll kids from foreign countries.
Doncic said photographers would be allowed to take as many hotshots as they wanted of his Mom and post them on any major news outlets including the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
Outside the water, she would agree to go for a ride and pose for a picture with each NBA player in a Tomorrowland Speedway race car. NASCAR could use the photos to promote their sport.
For a nightcap, every evening Momma would wear Cinderella’s dress and have all 264 players in the playoffs to dine with her.
“This is slam dunk idea,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. “There’s no doubt in my mind all NBA players will now put aside whatever concerns they had about the playoff set-up to go see Luca’s Mom in a bikini swimming around.”
LeBron James, who runs the NBA actually and not Silver, told the guys on the call that the decision had been made and he was the final decider.
“I’m all in on this proposal,” he said. “Luca’s done a great service to the NBA by offering to have his Mom entertain us in a wide assortment of Disney Land venues. Studying her every day will be well worth any risks we might be taking.”
To be continued…
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