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It’s a long way from the Pacific Ocean to Winston-Salem, North Carolina and no one thinks about that colossal distance more these days than Buck Hankmeier, the upstart quarterback for the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. He’s wondering what on Earth this whole Wake Forest world unto itself is all about, what to make of life on the East Coast, and how to interpret the blogs he’s been reading by some guy named Sammy Sportface.
Today he did a Zoom call with Sportface to get his questions answered.
Hankmeier: So what’s this Wake Forest thing all about?
Sportface: It’s about studying, I mean really studying, to get Cs and Ds. Wake leads all 3,000+ institutions of higher learning in grade deflation and it’s been going on since I was an undergraduate 100 years ago. I’m 161 years old, Buck. How many years have you been in college, Buck?
Hankmeier: Twelve. I played for Boise State, Fresno State, University of Texas El Paso, Pepperdine, and Valparaiso before joining the Demon Deacons.
Sportface: Sounds like a worldly yet decidedly circuitous adventure. I think you’re wise to stay in college. Once you get out everything starts to get really hard. You have to go to work and get ordered around by bosses. If I were you I’d stay in college another 12 years. With new NIL rules, you can probably be Wake’s QB through 2047.
Hankmeier: What’s this whole “Roll the Quad” thing about?
Sportface: When Wake wins a big football game, students heave all the toilet paper on campus into the trees on the Quad.
Hankmeier: Why toilet paper?
Sportface: Because it looks decorative.
Hankmeier: Whose this guy Sammy Sportface I keep hearing about?
Sportface: He’s a guy who writes about Wake Forest football pretty much all the time.
Hankmeier: I’ve read some of his stuff. None of it makes any sense. He’s inaccurate.
Sportface: Lots of things in life don’t make sense, Buck. It doesn’t make sense that a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. It doesn’t make sense that Wake Forest lost to Duke last season. It doesn’t make sense that most of the Earth is oceans and yet most of the people spend most of their time on land. It doesn’t make sense that I got a D in English Composition at Wake Forest and then decided to take on writing as a profession for the next 35 years.
Hankmeier: I get it. It’s kind of like I was this guy out in California listening to the “Beach Boys” and surfing then ended up here some 2500 miles from there in a town I’ve never been to before, and I hurled a bunchy of touchdown passes in the first game and some guy started calling me Buck Marino because my quick release reminded him of Dan Marino who retired 20 years before I was born. That doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Sportface: I wrote that about you, Buck.
Hankmeier: Tell me, Sportface, what’s so special about Wake Forest?
Sportface: Smart people. High integrity everywhere. We take football seriously. We take educating students more seriously. You won’t meet any people the rest of your life more intensely curious and intellectually well-rounded as the ones you meet at Wake Forest.
Hankmeier: You predicted we would win the national championship this season.
Sportface: Sure did, Buck. You’ve got to dream big or go home. You have a strong arm and throw an accurate ball. If you envision yourself winning the national title as the QB of this team, it will come to fruition. And when that happens, I’ll come down on the field and climb on your shoulders. We’ll go over to the goalpost and tear it down together. You and me, Buck. All you gotta do is win 14 more games. Then we’ll go over to the Quad and heave toilet paper in the trees.
Buck: What’s it like living on the East Coast?
Sportface: Probably very similar to living on the West Coast. People are the same pretty much everywhere. They want purpose. They want to be fulfilled. They want friends who care about them. They want to be part of loving families. They want their football teams to win. They want their quarterback to have a quick release, hit his open receivers and throw open those who are covered. They want to feel their lives have meaning and be connected to the places they went to college where their lives changed forever.
Buck: You’re inspiring me, Sammy Sportface. You’re the coolest person on the East Coast of America I’ve met, so far. If you were on the West Coast, you’d probably be the coolest person there also.
Sportface: I know, Buck. But there’s more to life than being cool; there’s also being a sports blogger. Anytime this season you have any questions – anything at all from football to the delayed run-pass option mesh to Wait Chapel to DJ to TJ to the Demon Deacon Sports Nation – feel free to Zoom with me again. I’m here for you as long as you promise me you’re laser-focused on winning the national championship this season.
Buck: I promise, Mr. Sportface.
Sportface: Call me Sammy — everybody does. Now go, my Son Buck. Win tomorrow. Win next week. Win it all. Deliver a national title to Wake Forest and you’ll call this place your home for the rest of your life.
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Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
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