Sportface to Clemson QB D.J. Uiagalelei: No, You Can't Be In D.J. Blog

Clemson quarterback faxed Sammy Sportface this morning after reading the blog Sportface wrote about the famous guys named DJ on the day Dustin Johnson would the Masters last weekend. “How come I wasn’t included? My first name is DJ.”

Sportface faxed him back.

“You were disqualified from the blog because your last name is impossible to pronounce and spell,” said Sportface.

“But DJ is my first name,” the QB faxed back.

“Doesn’t matter. Anyone with that last name doesn’t make the DJ all-time list. Sportface makes the rules when it comes to unbelievable blogs.”

During the national spelling bee last year, no kid won the contest because the word that had to be spelled was DJ’s last name. Several kids fainted while trying to spell Youweydoingdabbadoo or whatever the Clemson quarterback’s name is.

None of the 14-year-olds spelled it right. When they asked for the pronunciation from the judges the judges didn’t know how to pronounce it. One of them tried and pronounced the last name Youaguleyley. Another asked the kid to spell DJ. Another asked the contestants to use the name Ralph Garcia in a passive sentence.

The kid asked the judge to use the Clemson QB’s name in a sentence.

“Sammy Sportface’s sports blog is about some guy named Youaguleyley.”

Let’s settle this.

Uiagalelei has seven vowels in it. So 70 percent of the letters in this name are vowels. And the first and last letters are vowels. The only consonants are two “l’s” and a “g.”

There are at least 10 plausible ways to pronounce this name:

Uwaguli

Ugalella

Youleigh

Ielelagaiu

Ukelele

Yougelli

Gulleeig

Jacklyn Smith

Dustin Johnson

Harmen Killebrew

Darden Jenkins and

Gleeg

“This is bogus,” said the Clemson quarter whose last name is pronounced Ugelay. “I should be on that Sportface DJ blog. This is such a Uiagalelei.”

Sportface received this message by fax but his machine got cluttered up with complaints about his DJ blog being incomplete because it didn’t include Uiagalelei.

Trevor Lawrence will return to start at quarterback for Clemson this weekend, so Ukelele will play his instrument from the sideline.

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