Kraft, Belichick Start Drive to Retrieve Brady, Stop at Rosie’s Rubdowns


Robert Kraft places a phone call to Bill Belichick.

“Hey Bill, did you hear Tom Brady went to Seattle to play for the XFL’s Seattle Dragons?”

“Not surprised. I told him we were moving on to Cincinnati yesterday.”

“You mean you cut him?”

“Of course I did. I always cut veteran players.”

“But he’s Tom Brady. He won me six Super Bowls.”

“I won you six Super Bowls.”

“We need to get Tom back. I’ll pick you up in my Highlander and we’ll drive across the country starting tonight. We need to go tell him we need him on our team next season.”

“I don’t want to go. I cut Brady.”

“You have to go. I’m your boss.”

Kraft picks up Belichick at the Patriots training facility.

“It’s going to be a long drive to San Francisco. Did you bring enough clothes?”

“I got five gray cut-off Patriots sweatshirts, the ones I wear to games to stick it to the NFL that I don’t have to dress up if I don’t want to because my teams win all the time.”

“Bring underwear?”


“Thought you be a boxer shorts guy.”

“Used to be but my girlfriend likes me in jockeys.”

“Before we leave town, I need to make make a stop.”


“I need a rub down.”

“You mean like the ones you get in Florida?”

“Yeah, that kind. They make me feel good.”

“What’s so great about the rubdowns?”

“Haven’t you ever had one, Bill? I figured a man with your money and stature would be able to get a rub down anytime you want, wherever you want, just like me.”

“Well, I have to admit I like a good rub down. I like to wear my cut-off sweatshirts, jockeys, and ride on my boat off the coast of Nantucket. My girlfriend goes with me. She gives me rub downs on the boat as I steer while staring out over the bow into the wetness.”

“Nice image. But the rubdown you will get tonight won’t be like any rubdown you’ve ever had before. We’re going to Rosie’s Rubdowns. It’s close by. I have been going to this place for years every day after stopping by the training facility to walk around like I own the place, which I do.”

“You mean you’ve had a rub down place right near our Foxboro facility all these years that you’ve been going to?”

“Why is that so surprising, Bill? Didn’t you hear about me getting busted getting rubdowns near my Florida home?”

“I heard. But I figured that was just your Florida thing.”

“Oh no, Bill. When you’re like me, and as rich as me, you need rub downs wherever you are.”

Kraft pulls into Rosie’s Rubdowns parking lot.

“Bob, can we just start driving to Seattle? This is about getting Tom Brady back on our team. It’s going to take us several days to get there. We don’t have time for a rub down.”

“I need to relax. I can’t stand the thought of Tom Brady leaving my team. It’s got me really stressed out. My blood pressure is high. What am I going to do without him winning Super Bowls for me anymore?”

“You can win Super Bowls without him. You have me as the coach. I was the coach of the six Super Bowl teams.”

“But Tom was the biggest reason we won them. You were just a guy on the sideline. He was on the field, making it all happen.”

To be continued…

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Sammy Sportface
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