0
0
Tom Brady dials the same number he’s been calling for years.
“Hi Coach, it’s Tom Brady.”
“Hey, Tom.”
“Say I was wondering about my free agency situation. Do you want me to be the quarterback of the Patriots next season?”
“Well I dunno, Tom. We might be moving on to Cincinnati.”
“But coach, I’ve led the Patriots to six Super Bowl Titles. I’m the greatest quarterback of all time. I want to retire with the Patriots.”
“You know, Tom, I like to cut guys before their skills diminish too much. Your skills diminished this season just like Bernie Kosar’s did with the Browns when I coached him. You’ve been around long enough to see me cut hundreds of guys. I cut guys who have been loyal to me. I cut guys who played their hearts out for me. I cut guys who were multiple Super Bowl winning teams. I cut guys sometimes just because I get a kick out of it. I think I’m the best cutter of players in the history of the game of football.”
“But I’m different coach. I’ve been the quarterback for all of those Super Bowl wins. I thought you would handle my situation differently. I thought you would show more loyalty to me because I have been so instrumental in making you the greatest football coach of all time.”
“I see it differently, Tom. I think I made you the great player that you used to be. It has been my coaching that has guided you to greatness. You see, I don’t think this organization needs you as much as it needs me. Nobody is saying my skills as a coach has fallen off. The only reason we didn’t win the Super Bowl last season is because you didn’t play as well as you had in previous seasons.”
“But coach, you didn’t give me enough good wide receivers to throw to. No quarterback would have won the Super Bowl with those guys. I mean, Julien Edelman is still really good, but I needed more than that. You can’t expect me to just keep throwing six-yard passes over the middle to Edelman and win a title. I need guys on the outside who can take the top off the defense, guys like Randy Moss.”
“We won several Super Bowl titles with you throwing six-yard passes constantly to Edelman.”
“But that’s not sustainable.”
“No, Tom. You’re not sustainable. That’s the point.”
Belichick pauses for a few seconds then says:
“Wasn’t that shrewd of me, Tom, signing Moss when the rest of the league thought he had a bad attitude and didn’t want to bring him onto their teams?”
“But what about this season, coach? You thought bringing Antonio Brown onto the team would do the trick and get us to the Super Bowl. But he wasn’t on our team for more than 10 days. What kind of judge of character are you? Couldn’t you see this guy was trouble?”
“As I recall that situation, Tom, you begged me to sign Brown. I was wary but did it reluctantly. As the quarterback, you are the leader on the field. You should have been able to handle Brown so he would have stayed on the team.”
“That dude was a nutjob, coach. Nobody would have been able to handle him. Yes, I wanted him because I was desperate to have someone to throw the long pass to.”
“He was a nutjob. You’re right about that. But that doesn’t’ change the fact that we’re moving on to Cincinnati, Tom.”
“Am I going to Cincinnati with you guys, Coach?”
“Apparently not. Like everybody else in the sports world, I read that recent Sammy Sportface blog that revealed you want to play for the Seattle Dragons because you became fascinated with the dragon’s relationship with the dog donkey in the movie Shrek.”
“You actually believe Sammy Sportface? Nobody believes that guy.”
“Sportface’s story sounded plausible to me. One thing we can agree on today: That relationship between the dragon and the donkey was quite odd yet it somehow was functional. I think that relationship reminds a lot of people of the relationships you and I have had. We’re different guys, yet we have this weird kind of chemistry.”
“If you think we have a weird kind of chemistry, why don’t you sign me for one more year?”
“Because Shrek is a fictional movie, Tom. It’s not real. No dragon has ever fallen in love with a donkey.”
Author Profile
-
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
Latest entries
BonusApril 26, 2024Spiderman Favored to Win Golds At Olympics Climbing Events
BonusApril 24, 2024German Rides Record 93-Foot Wave In Run Up to Olympics Surfing
BonusApril 22, 2024Old Friends Reconnect As New Friends
BonusApril 21, 2024Sportface Unveils Board of Directors to Land Sneaker Deal