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Complex Thoughts Swirling Through Tiger’s Head

Complex Thoughts Swirling Through Tiger’s Head

There is so much swirling around in my head right now.

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I’m starting to play good golf and that pleases me. I’m in contention on this weekend’s tournament and finished second last weekend.

But I can’t stop thinking about my past, all that I have done wrong that everybody knows about ever since I banged my car into the fire hydrant at my Orlando home driving away from my angry wife who had just found out I had been having affairs with countless and a wide variety of women.

I can’t get the memory of that night out of my mind. I had the world as my oyster, was on my way to breaking the 18 Major championships set by Jack Nicklaus.

 

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Then it all fell apart. For years I’ve been battling injuries and my own psychological demons. I lost confidence in my swing. I fired several swing coaches.

But now I’m back in contention. The Masters is coming up fast and you know how badly I want to win that. I even have people rooting for me now, which I don’t understand after all I admitted to everybody. The same people who turned against me when I admitted all my transgressions are now my most rapid fans cheering me on to win. People are crazy.

To me, their actions don’t make sense. How could you hate me so much and now root for me to win? I thought for sure everyone would hate me forever.

 

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These are such perplexing thoughts. Life isn’t making any sense to me anymore. Before all these bad things happened, life was simple: win Major championships and womanize. Now I have all these psychological complexities to contend with, not just all of my own but those of other people.

What everybody doesn’t seem to appreciate is the toll all of this is taking on my mind. I have trouble thinking straight sometimes.

But all of this will go away if I win the Masters championship in early April. My mind will be refreshed, my life will be back in order, and women will embrace me as they once did.

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Sammy Sportface
Possibly America’s best sports blogger. Sometimes relevant and insightful. Often funny and satirical. Mostly mysterious and unpredictable. Only mildly interested in the truth.
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