We all get annihilated in life. People die young; parents suffer the rest of their lives wondering why they lost their child.
Workers go to the office thinking it’s just another day. Unexpectedly, the boss summons them into a private office, closes the door, and tells them their services are no longer wanted. A fired human being gets escorted out the door. Not even given a chance to say goodbye to coworkers. Wouldn’t matter. They wouldn’t know what to say anyway. Besides, they’re worried they could be next.
Unwanted.
I know all about this. It’s happened to me more than once. It’s beyond horrendous. Makes losing a football game 49-14 seem irrelevant.
Resume refresh. Job hunt ensues. Rejections galore.
In recent weeks I’ve been emailing a book I wrote to publishers. No positive feedback; a few soul-less rejections “no thanks, not for me.” Countless hours typing alone and no one seemed to be interested in what I want to share with the world.
It hurts.
There are people born with high IQs who breeze through school, crush the SAT, go to prestigious schools their parents love to brag about and get high-paying jobs.
Big houses follow.
But tragedies happen constantly in the lives of smart people, too. Smart people know all about losing despite having large TVs and boats.
There are people born with low IQs who can’t keep up in school. They fall behind, drop out, and have a hard time finding any job they can do for minimum wage.
Get perspective. We think our lives are full of defeats and humiliations. How do those people who can’t learn fast, who can’t think with clarity, feel about their lives? You think they sometimes feel sorry for themselves wishing they were smarter so they could make a little more money and be more respected and have a big man cave with a jumbo TV set?
You know the answer.
My high school baseball teammate died in a car accident after we won the JV championship. He never got to go to college, and never went to a college football game on a sunny October afternoon as I did yesterday. I’m lucky to have lived this long and to have experienced fellowship at the tailgate and in the stadium beneath the clear blue sky. Hugged TJ my friend from Wake. Met him in 1981. Loved him then; love him now.
I know this morning everything hurts. Losing 49-14 wasn’t what you had in mind against Clemson yesterday. You start thinking you’re not sure what approach to take going forward because you put forth maximum effort preparing for Clemson and pretty much nothing worked as planned.
You feel like you’re in a small room with all four walls rubbing tight against you, seemingly tightening. You wonder if you should just stop trying so hard. It occurs to you that you’re tired of football, the grind. Figure there’s more to life you want to explore.
Maybe less effort will make you play more relaxed and better. You don’t know what to do.
Everyone experiences this. We don’t talk about it much because it’s embarrassing and humiliating but it’s the absolute truth. Days come along when we don’t know what to do next. We feel lost.
Having lived long enough to have experienced this many times, I want to share a few ideas that may help. No preaching, just ideas, because I feel the pain you feel this morning and want you to be uplifted, to believe life will get better because it will. Life is full of lows and highs and they keep coming like an avalanche. Euphoria is in your future despite it seeming impossible right now.
You have to accept that you have to move forward. Quitting isn’t the answer.
How to proceed. It all starts with hard work. I know that may not sound like the answer because you worked hard to prepare to prevail over Clemson and it didn’t work. Believe me, hard work ultimately prevails. You will win if not on the scoreboard in your mind which is much more important.
The key going forward is to prepare differently. Whatever you tried last week, try something new this week. Experiment. Open yourselves to new ways to approach the game of football.
Second, stop complaining and making excuses. No one cares except me and to be successful I can’t care; I just have to keep trying. No one cares that no publishers want to publish my book except me. It’s not their concern.
No one is going to be receptive to whining that Wake Forest doesn’t have money to pay better players to join the team. It’s not our problem. It’s not anyone’s problem. It’s just reality. That’s all it is. Don’t overdramatize this.
Industries structurally change all the time and people have to adjust or wilt; college football is amid such upheaval. You’ll experience upheaval all through your lives. In the tech industry where I’ve spent my entire career, nothing is certain except constant and massive changes. Then more. Those who survive just keep going. That’s all. They don’t quit.
Spend time thinking up new ways to make your team better that don’t involve urging graduates to give you more money so you can be more competitive. Money is not the answer to all problems including this one; human character development is.
Wake Forest is better than just asking for handouts. Think this through. Be classy and enlightened. Don’t buy into college football’s gargantuan greed. Be Wake Forest and no one else.
I read a business book called The Blue Ocean Strategy that argues to go so far out into the deep blue ocean where there are no competitors. Do something so different no one competes with you. Figure out a blue ocean strategy because competing the way you are now isn’t going to work and we all know it. I know college football is all about competitors, but make it about something more than that. Don’t try to beat others; strive to be the best you can be. It’s more dignified and admirable. You’ll be loved more for it.
Last, focus on your why. Why does Wake Forest have a football team? Is it to raise money to pay more talented players? We all know that’s not the reason it should exist.
People don’t want to know how or what you do until you explain to them why you do it. This is the central message of Simon Sinek’s book Start With Why.
What is the “why” of Wake Forest football? Is it to get more donations to pay better players? I don’t think it is. It may help the team win more games but I don’t think that’s why this football program exists – primarily to win.
I know coaches lose jobs when they lose too much so feel pressure to win so feel pressure to ask alumni to donate money. But this team doesn’t exist to make coaches feel secure.
Wake Forest football has a more high-minded and laudable why: to educate young men on how to deal with losing 49-14 and adjust so they prepare to play better next week. It’s to teach them losing happens non-stop in all our lives and we have to accept this and keep waking up in the morning and thinking of new ways to work hard. Trying new things – this is the recipe for life success.
This team exists to prepare the minds of young men to become better critical thinkers so they can help solve the endless list of problems they’ll face throughout their lives that are much more important than the score at the end of a football game.
Life is mostly about losing and figuring out how to get better. This is the life situation you are in right now.
Persist.
Working amid the losing is what will make you winners not just this season but throughout your lives.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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