Are you feeling jaded and disjointed by the letter J jaywalking across the submarine sandwich industry?
Do you ever get confused about whether you want to go to Jimmy Johns, Jersey Mike’s, or Jerry’s? Do you know there are regional sub-shops named Jack Jeffreys, Joseph Jordans, Jude Jerichos, Justin Jades, Joseph Jacques, and Jupiter Mikes in Florida?
Too many Js?
I say not nearly enough.
Today I’m launching a jalopy full of subway franchises that will turn quick profits. The central tenet of the strategy is confusing consumers to unprecedented levels by creating a slew of new sub-shops that have Js in their names that, if not thought through carefully, could easily be confused by consumers such as Jersey Mikes and Jimmy Johns.
Piggybacking on the brand investments these franchises have already made – and the enormous equity built around the letter J in this market — the new franchises will create the perception that they sound like, and actually are, Jersey Mikes and Jimmy Johns. The new franchises to be scattered on all seven continents will be:
· Mikey Jimmys
· Johnny Jimmys
· Johnny Mikes
· Jersey Johnnies
· Johnny Jerseys
· Mikey Jerseys
· Jersey Jimmies
“Consumers will get so confused about which sandwich shop to go to they’ll become exasperated,” said Sammy Sandwich. “They’ll give up trying to figure out which franchise they like, and start going to all the new franchises. I’m counting on consumers not remembering whether they like Jimmy Johns or Jersey Mikes or Mikey Jimmys or Johnny Jerseys, or even if they’ve ever been to Jersey.”
This is false advertising and lying. And it doesn’t make any sense. Why would introducing more sandwich shops with the letter J in the first letter and using the same names of two existing sandwich franchises help sales? Does this guy care about building a business? Or is he just a fat slob who loves eating overloaded sandwiches?
To intensify consumer confusion, each of these new franchises will serve the exact same sandwiches as Jimmy Johns and Jersey Mike’s.
From a branding perspective, each new franchise will use the same J typefaces used in the Jimmy John’s Logo and the same M used in the Jersey Mike’s logo.
This way it will actually seem that the new franchises could actually be spin-offs or subsidiaries of Jimmy Johns and Jersey Mike’s. Or just one and the same.
Why would this guy want to launch such a confusing marketing campaign? Is he insane? I’m hungry. Is there a Johnny Mikes near here?
Jersey Jimmy’s shops will be based in Jersey where there are at least five guys named Jimmy. Customers who buy more than one sub will get a Jersey Jimmy’s jersey with a map of Jersey on it with Jimmy’s face covering the Newark area.
Johnny Jerseys shops will only be in Turkey and Hungary.
The launch party for these new franchises will be held tonight in Jimmy Mikey’s Jersey jacuzzi where mint juleps will be juicing up all the Jimmys, Johns, Jerrys, Jacobs, Justins, and Jerichos, as well as the Judys, Janes, and Joannas.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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