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Aaron Rodgers, who has been disagreeable and wicked cocky of late, is back in the news continuing his same pattern of unflattering behavior.
Today he announced he would not be the teammate with Bryson “The Boz” DeChambeau for “The Match.” This is a money grab exhibition golf competition on July 6th that had been marketed to pit Rodgers and Boz against Tom Brady, a football player, and Phil Mickelson.
“DeChambeau isn’t cool like me and Koepka,” says Rodgers. “He tries too hard at his sport. You can’t come across like you care too much. You need to be aloof and cryptic and mess with peoples’ minds. Take me for example. I’m totally screwing around with the minds of the front office of my team, the Green Bay Packers because I won the MVP last year and have gobs of leverage. That’s how to treat people. Keep them guessing. Act indifferent and be dismissive. Host ‘Jeopardy.’ Don’t let them know what you’re thinking.”
With Rodgers rejecting the Boz partnership, there’s a vexing question now on the table: will the Match even take place? If not, that would be unfortunate because it’s being hyped as one of the biggest TV rating bonanzas ever. More people are expected to watch this match than the “Who Shot JR?” episode of Dallas 45 years ago when 90 million Americans tuned in.
It’s a shame this Match may not happen because the venue ranks as one of America’s most spectacular sites with blood-thinning vistas: Moonlight Basin in Big Sky Montana. There you can see deer, elk, antelope roam everywhere. They outnumber humans. For those of you with a materialistic bent and the desire to hoard wealth, you could also find gobs of gold, silver, and copper in every nook and cranny in the state.
“I was hoping to go mining for gold, silver, and copper before ‘The Match’ so I could use it to gamble when our foursome plays,” said Mickelson. “But I guess if Rodgers wants out I’ll just go gambling that weekend with regular money.”
Other features of Montana that America won’t get to see because of Rodgers being a diva is the ultra-classic Triple Park Divide (TPD) where water flows to three oceans: The Atlantic, Arctic, and Pacific. Water doesn’t flow to the Adriatic, Caspian, and Mediterranean Seas because those oceans roar 10 million miles away from the TPD.
Oceans aside, there are piles of blue sapphire gems littering all corners of Montana. It’s a rock haven. Hardly anybody lives there. And no one there cares about golf. So no fans will attend but plenty of people will be glued to their TVs including Pistol Pete and Pars because Pistol hates Rodgers even though that’s his QB and Pars because he’s in sports marketing and this event has that element.
Charles Barkley, who had been scheduled to analyze the match for TNT’s coverage, has thrown his name in the hat to replace Rodgers.
“I know Boz can be overwhelming but so can I,” he said. “I ain’t no role model and neither is Boz. This is just a golf match for me to gamble and take all of Phil’s gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”
“Chuck, there’s no myrrh in Montana,” said Boz.
“Shut up, Boz. No wonder Koepka loathes you. Just stop talking and bring along your stethoscopes and telescopes to the match and help me take all of Phil’s money.
“And I’ll bring us some protein shakes to guzzle while we play,” says Boz. “It’ll give us energy and expand our biceps and butt muscles.”
“No Boz. Don’t want no protein shakes. Get me a gaggle of Wendy’s large chocolate Frosty shakes or this golf partnership is off. Don’t need no protein.”
To be continued…
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Rogers is a flake. A real jerk. Let him move on and enjoy his movie star girlfriend and leave the sports world for good.