Bonus

Three New College Sporting Events Created During Pandemic

By Sammy Sportface

Posted on March 20, 2020

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With the coronavirus pandemic gripping the United States and halting sports everywhere, there are three new sporting events that have been created. Here’s a brief summary of each:

New Sport One: Online March Madness Trivia

Orchestrated loosely by the Sammy Sportface Syndication Network, this sport will be open to all March Madness basketball players who did not get a chance to play in this month’s annual tournament.

Starting next Thursday at 12 noon – the time when the real tournament was supposed to begin – every player will dial onto the Sportface Syndication Network.

Sportface will send each of the thousands of athletes a question on his website. An example question could be: 

David Thompson of NC State led his team to the national championship in 1974. Where was he from?

Potential answers:

1. Fayetteville, Arkansas
2. Butte, Montana
3. Shelby, NC
4. Washington, DC

The first athlete to text the answer to Sportface will win a free year’s subscription to the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog.

The contest will consist of 64 questions. There will be sixteen questions for each of the four March Madness regions: East, Midwest, South, and West. 

In this setup, one question could be “Which college team dominated the March Madness tournament for two straight years out of the South region?

Potential answers:

1. Florida
2. The Marlins
3. The Keys
4. The Daytona 500

Because he’s got the highest IQ of anybody involved in the tournament because he went to Duke, Jay Bilas will decide all the questions and will know all the answers.

New Sport Two: Most Classic College Lacrosse Name

College lacrosse is notorious for fielding an abundance of players with elite prep school, pretty boy names. Examples: JJ. McBride, TJ Camizio, and Steele Stanwick. 

Via fax machine, every college lacrosse player in the country will submit the three most prep-school lax names to the Sportface Syndication Network.

Sportface will judge all the names and post the top 10 ranking in an upcoming blog. The winning name will land an unpaid internship building the Sammy Sportface empire.

New Sport Three: Paper, Scissors, Rock Contest on YouTube

All Spring college athletes in the country will have the opportunity to play a game of paper, scissors, rock game with one of their teammates. Contestants will post their videos on the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Facebook Page. 

There won’t be any awards because it will take too long for anyone to watch all the thousands of videos. But the contestants will be allowed to continue posting the videos as they survive and advance throughout the tournament.

The postings will likely eat up tons of network bandwidth. Several are bound to go viral simultaneously.

That won’t matter because no one will be using the Internet until the pandemic ends.