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There will be new wrinkles during the upcoming NBA Playoffs. Broadcast networks will only televise the Western Conference games because those are gushing with testosterone-charged subplots, interpersonal tensions, selfish aspirations, MVP players, and Ja Morant – far more juice, jealousies, pettiness, and immature behavior than anyone involved with the NBA Eastern Conference playoffs.
Under this unprecedented plan, none of the Eastern Conference playoff games will be televised. Pouring salt on the denigration, games played by this lesser conference will be played with a red, white, and blue ball like the ABA used when it was the inferior league compared with the NBA.
The winner of the Western Conference will be given the Larry O’Brien Trophy as NBA champion and the Eastern Conference winner will toss each player one Denny’s free breakfast gift card.
The disparity in provocativeness is so colossal that while Eastern Conference games are going on, there will be 24/7 coverage of everything going on in the personal and professional lives of Western Conference superstars.
There will be wall to wall coverage of their practices, film sessions, ankle tapings, massages, commercial shoots, video-game playing, drives to the games in $350,000 vehicles, tunnel struts, Tik Tok viewing, Instagram posting, and text messaging to friends, teammates and girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, and significant others.
During their morning and afternoon shoot-arounds – if any of them attend these – drone-powered cameras will track every shot practiced, joke cracked, snicker expressed, and bottle swigged by The Joker, LeBron, Luka, Antman, and SGA.
Throughout the playoffs ESPN will post round-the-clock 36-hour 30-for-30 documentaries about each one of these superstars starting from when Bron was a little boy in Akron, Ohio and where he got his tattoo in high school anointing himself “The Chosen One; then zeroing on when Joker was a little fat boy in Serbia drinking three liters of Coke a day, and a deep dive into the horses he owns, what they eat, where they sleep, the names he has given each, and how much he bets on them at Serbia horses races during the summers when he rests up for upcoming seasons when he makes everyone in the NBA look like the New Jersey Generals who haplessly got humiliated by the Harlem Globetrotters every time they took them on.
There will be a montage video of every one of the 53,469 times Luka has cussed out a referee. On his blog Sammy Sportface will post an exclusive Q and A interview of why Luka smokes cigarettes.
60 Minutes will lead each week with on-site reports from Serbia and Slovenia to explore the geopolitical factors that created the environment that groomed the two greatest basketball players in the world. For viewers who don’t know where these two countries are – which will be every one of them – there will be in-depth geographic pictorials and Google Maps illustrations.
“No one cares about the Eastern Conference playoffs especially me,” said NBA Commissioner Ollie Opportunist. “They’re what the business world refers to as a ‘non-starter.’ As for me, I prefer to call the Eastern Conference a ‘nothing burger.’ The Western Conference playoffs this year will be the greatest theatre and interpersonal drama the sports world has ever witnessed especially with Sammy Sportface stoking the fires with his Joker obsession. We don’t have any intention of giving those Eastern Conference playoff games any attention because no one will watch one second of any of it. As far as I’m concerned, those teams don’t even exist. They’re dead to me. The only thing anyone cares about is whether the Joker will whip Bron again, and whether Antman is inside Joker’s head, and how many times Luka will get ejected from games, and if that happens in games that matter how angry that will make Bron Bron.”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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