Sportface to ChatGPT: Quit Asking Me Questions

Comeuppance crashes down on Sammy Sportface.

The nationally acclaimed sports blogger asked one too many questions of ChatGPT – over two hundred in the past month – and he’s now feeling the full brunt of the smartest technology in the world pummeling him with a rash of personally invasive questions.

And you’re now going to find out what those questions are and how Sportface fielded them. Your ultimate fantasy comes true.

Generative AI has turned the tables on me. And I think it’s some sort of passive-aggressive revenge.

Gen AI: What inspired you to write about the benefits of sleep apnea?

Sportface: I guess it starts with the simple fact that no one has written about the benefits of sleep apnea. That alone was reason enough to write about. I emailed it to my intrnist who emailed it to a sleep apnea doctor he knows. So it went viral.

Gen AI: Do you actually us your car as a trash can, or was that pure satire?

Sportface: Well if you call heaving trash all over my car as a place to dispose of it then, yes, my car has been used as a trash can no more so than one time road tripping with Idea Man to the Middlebury College football game at Amherst. Idea Man encouraged the McDonalds cheeseburger wrapper throwing.

This isn’t something I’m proud of nor ashamed of. I think it’s just one of those things that happened. It’s important to let you know that all this went down with my previous car, which I called Charlie who is my former self. Charlie tended to be messy. But I have a new car now and it’s called Charles and I insist everyone at work call me Charles which seems to make them respect me more than when I went by Charlie at work. I don’t eat hamburgers or cheese doodles in Charles but did all the time in Charlie. Charles can’t stand crumbs. He’s Felix Unger.

Gen AI: How do you come up with all the ways to waste time on a Saturday in a blog, or more generally you seem to write blogs that are a waste of time to write and read?

Sportface: I remember one random weekday afternoon in college time I was wasting time in my dorm room when a friend stopped by and asked me what I was doing. “Wasting time,” I said. That amused him. Ever since I’ve thought it to be humorous to tell someone you’re wasting time because it disarms people. No one feels threatened or inferior to someone who admits they’re wasting time.

I don’t want anyone to feel threatened or inferior to me so one of my go-to lines is “I’m wasting time.” Saturdays aren’t the only days I waste; every day of the week I have done it. The cool thing about wasting time is it’s easy, not stressful at all. All you have to do is decide to do it and there you are – wasting time. No sweat.

Gen AI: Do you have a personal ritual during your favorite football team’s bye week?

Sportface: Yes, I like to watch YouTube videos of Ilya Sutskever, Geoffrey Hinton, and Mo Godawt talk about how we need to slow generative AI progress so it doesn’t get so much smarter than us that we can’t control it. I also like to buy Twizzlers at my local gas station but that’s not just on bye weeks; that’s every week.

Gen AI: What’s the story behind your “retirement announcements” and why never retiring is a recurring theme?

Sportface: Attention grabs. My favorite clickbait tactic. Whenever you announce in a headline you’re retiring, people click or read more to find out if it’s true and why. Sammy Sportface has announced he’s retiring from sports blogging at least five or six times and every time he did it to see how people would react. Usually they don’t react at all. It’s a tactic I use because I believe in failing fast.

Gen AI: Where do your made-up characters come from?

Sportface: You must be referring to my made up characters such as Andy Advertising and Sally Sportface. I like to use alliteration because my friend Dave says it’s annoying and easy to do and therefore not impressive. Andy Advertising appeared in some blog I wrote maybe about promoting NASCAR. Feeling backed into a creative corner, I decided to use some guy’s name that begins with an A and Andy surfaced in my hippocampus first.

Plus I sensed Idea Man would like the sound of it. It’s gots more of a ring to it than Aloysius Advertising or Albert Advertising of Arnold Advertising or Archie Advertising or Alfred Advertising although Archie Advertising is a close second and if I were to write that blog again I might go with Archie Advertising.

Sally Sportface got her name because the first letter begins with an S and has two syllables, both of which align with Sammy in the name Sammy Sportface. Strategic alignment and logic dictate all my editorial and content decisions.

Gen AI: What’s the wildest fictional tailgate party you’ve ever written about, and how did you come up with it?

Sportface: Loaded question. During the Covid-19 pandemic Sportface wrote about numerous fictitious football tailgates. If I had to pick the wildest, it could have been the one when Brett Favre catapulted himself over the Superdome from a Winnegabo and caught a football pass; or when he got inside a rocket, like those guys do in the circus, and flew across the Florida panhandle from Tampa Bay to Fort Lauderdale; or the time Dan Snyder, Riggo, and other Skins fans left the FedUp Field tailgate and went to the Tastee Diner in Bethesda, Maryland for pancakes and waffles.

Gen AI: What’s your personal favorite food obsession that’s made it into a blog?

Sportface: First thing that comes to mind is Fanta Grape Soda because it’s so delicious and I’ve probably referenced it more than any other food except Baconators. Bojangles Bo-Berry Biscuits have also been an obsession but I haven’t had one in four months because I want to get skinny and eating those made me bigger than Joe Jacoby.

Gen AI: What’s the most absurd piece of advice you’ve given in a blog, and did readers actually follow it?

Sportface: I invited Rudy and the fellas to attend Brad’s party on the Chesapeake Bay but Rudy didn’t show to the surprise of no one. But that was less advice and more an unsolicited suggestion that had no chance of happening because, among other reasons, Rudy doesn’t know Brad and if they met they wouldn’t get along.

More seriously, I have advised members of the Baby Boomer Brotherhood to be inspired by the words of Sammy Sportface that their most productive days and biggest contributions are in front of them. Optimistic oozes from Sammy Sportface as much as always-on alliteration.

Gen AI: What’s the oddest reaction you’ve received from a reader who thought your satire was serious?

Sportface: I wrote about 20 swimming articles in 10 days and sent all of them to the editor of SwimSwam. He asked me if I was using gen AI to produce them. I said no but since them our relationship has been strained if not fractured.

Gen AI: Do you ever worry that your humor is misunderstood, or is that part of the fun?

Sportface: I never worry about what the audience thinks of my writing. The audience comes last. I am only concerned with writing something I like and then posting it. I can’t control how people will react. This is all about creating something that amuses me because it’s fun. What happens after that is just not what I can do anything about. This is how art works.

Gen AI: Have you ever written a blog post you thought was too ridiculous to publish?

Sportface: Most of the time when I write a blog I think it’s too ridiculous to publish but then post it anyway. There have been a few I’ve posted that afterward I felt maybe I had gone too far and not been sensitive enough and wrote too many words and didn’t show emotional intelligence and revealed a lack of worldliness, but usually those are just fleeting thoughts that go away quickly.

Idea Man often wants me to push the edges in my blogs but I tell him we have to remain civil and stay within bounds of normalcy and appropriateness. We walk the tightrope every day. One time I wrote a blog about the horses at the Kentucky Derby and what they do in the stalls before the race. Not my proudest moment. It was juvenile and even Idea Man told me I had taken the Derby event to a place he didn’t expect and didn’t sign off on. Mishaps are part of the creative business. Hitting and missing is all there is.

Gen AI: Is there a particular blog post that unexpectedly resonated with readers?

Sportface: Yes I wrote a blog ranking the 10 Biggest Jerks of All Time that got a lot of positive reactions. Last summer the fellas talked about that blog on Booze Crooze to Bethany’s Bermuda Islands. Debate centered on whether I got the ranking right and whether the blogs need to be updated because jerks change.

Gen AI: If you were to write a blog about an obsession or quirk you’ve never explored before, what would it be?

Sportface: I’m seriously contemplating a blog about power washers. My desire is so intense to do that I may pump it out right after I send this one out into the world. Sometimes blogging becomes emotionally uncontrollable.

Gen AI: What inspired you to start writing sports blogs?

Sportface: I needed to release tension.

Gen AI: How did you come up with the persona of “Sammy Sportface”?

Sportface: A guy said one time that Jay Cutler was a Jerkface. Then somehow one day I typed Sportface and liked it because, well, it sounded silly and different and like an unforgettable branding move. I added Sammy because I always thought the Sammy Winder sounded like a cool name.

Gen AI: Which sport is your favorite to write about and why?

Sportface: Swimming – by a 100 lengths of the pool. Especially like writing 20 blogs in 10 days for SwimSwam during the Olympics and seeing if they would publish one or two. Love to write about the loneliness of swimmers who for four years dunk their heads underwater and stare at a black line every morning from 5 am to 8 am. Lives of obscurity and maniacal discipline – all for a million to one chance of making the Olympic team. Utterly mad.

Gen AI: What do you find most fascinating about generative AI?

Sportface: That the people who invented it aren’t sure how it works. They say they kind of know but not really.

Gen AI: How do books on writing impact your approach to blogging?

Sportface: They allow me to write book reports regularly like I used to do in grade school.

Gen AI: Who is your favorite author, and how has that person shaped your writing?

Sportface: Joseph Heller because he wrote Catch 22. He showed me writing doesn’t have to be serious and I love that idea. You can tell by reading this how much I love that idea.

Gen AI: What’s your process for blending satire and humor into sports commentary?

Sportface: Just write what amuses me and that’s all that matters.

Gen AI: Do you see your blogs as purely entertainment or as having a deeper message?

Sportface: I like to pull them in with silly entertainment then hit them between the eyes with deep life lessons. The formula works.

Gen AI: Have you ever faced criticism for your satirical pieces, and how do you handle it?

Sportface: Yes many people criticize my satire. Friends have suggested I stop writing; one told me Sammy Sportface needs to be “shut down.” I used to care what they thought but no longer. From now on the game gets played on my terms. Get out of my way.

Gen AI: How do you keep your content fresh and engaging?

Sportface: Ask Gen AI for blog ideas.

Gen AI: Do you have a favorite blog post you’ve written, and why is it your favorite?

I liked the one I wrote about the seven friends of mine my high school girlfriend liked more than me – especially her love of TR. Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick and Ricky Williams smoking weed while driving across America during Covid-19 also stands out.

Gen AI: Do your readers ever share funny or memorable reactions to your blogs?

No

Gen AI: What is the biggest challenge in writing satire about sports?

Sportface: Caring about sports. I used to but all sports are no longer entertaining except for Joker and Caitlin Clark. It’s hard to be a sports blogger when you don’t care about sports. That’s why I now write mostly about gen AI taking over the world and blogs like this one about conversations I’m having with the technology that aren’t really true.

Gen AI: Where do you see your writing career heading in the next five years?

Sportface: I think it’s murky.

Gen AI: What advice would you give to aspiring sports bloggers?

Sportface: Write about Caitlin Clark and The Joker.