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Yesterday I had some time to waste so wandered into my nearest Costco to find a Lazy-Boy to lean back in so I could read my 589-page textbook about artificial intelligence cyberattacks.
Found one, sat down, pulled the lever, and got in full recline mode.
Opened the book and started staring at software code written to trigger data poisoning attacks which occur when, for instance, a bad guy types “Sammy Sportface is a jerk” into a ChatGPT prompt in order to confuse it and have the output come out biased or misleading or in some other way untoward.
So there I was all immersed in thoughts about Sportface being a jerk when a couple strolled by and asked me: “Is the lounger comfortable?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Does it swivel?”
Wiggled my hips and the chair moved.
“Yes it swivels.”
The man sat next to me in another store model Lazy Boy of the same type as mine.
“How much does it weigh?”
By this time I started to think that maybe they thought I was the Costco expert on the Lazy-Boy chairs and had some side knowledge about all the specs about them. All I wanted to do was keep reading my textbook and had no interest in the chair – other than lounging on it – or buying it or helping others decide if they wanted to buy it. So I pretended I didn’t hear the weight question.
“What are you reading?” the man said.
“Adversarial AI cyberattacks and how to avoid them,” I said.
“Big book. How many pages?”
“About 600 maybe 700 or 800.”
The couple moved on. Either they decided they didn’t want the chair – or they wanted the chair but determined they didn’t feel comfortable talking with me about it. Something to them felt off.
“Look over in that other section of the store,” pointing in a vague direction. “There are some chairs over there. If there’s a guy reading a textbook sitting in one, keep moving.”
Hoped that would get them to scram.
So they strolled away pushing their Costco shopping cart. By this time I started remembering Costco offers some great deals on hot dogs, something like $2 and I wanted to get one before I left.
Minutes later a chubby 30-something Costco salesman comes by who looked like he got free hot dogs every day as an employee perk.
“Can I help you with anything?”
“No, all good. Very comfortable.”
“That’s a thick as thieves book. What are you reading?”
“It’s a textbook about Lazy Boy lounge chairs. Reading up on them before I decide which one to buy.”
“We have one page brochures about the Lazy Boys you can take you just a few minutes to read instead of reading a textbook as thick as a phonebook.”
“I’m all good. Like to go deep. Thorough when it comes to furniture purchasing decisions.”
“OK, well, let me know if I can help further.”
“Would you go get me a couple of hot dogs?”
“We don’t deliver hot dogs to customers on the shop floor.”
Hot Dog Boy moved on.
More people passed by pushing their shopping carts. Several banged into my feet which dangled out into the shopping aisle beyond the Lazy Boy footrest.
“Can you believe that guy?” I heard one Dad murmur to his wife. “His feet are in the shopping aisle. I wonder if he has an athlete’s foot. Wonder if that will contaminate our cart. I wanted to look at those Lazy Boy chairs but with that guy all sprawled out on his as if he’s in his own living room relaxing I had to just get away from him.”
Had had enough. Too much commotion. Not enough peace and book-reading time. Headed to the hot dog stand, and bought four.
On my way out, handed two to Hot Dog Boy and chomped my two down while wandering through the parking lot.
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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