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You can see it coming.
First-year University of North Carolina college coach Bill Belichick steps to the podium next September on a Tuesday afternoon for his weekly confrontation with a room full of reporters.
“Coach Belichick, what happened on Saturday? Why did you lose to Duke?”
“We’re moving on to Wake Forest,” he’ll say.
“Coach, the question was about Duke.”
“On to Wake Forest,” he’ll say. “The evasive continues. You all know me. You recall how with the Patriots I always said we’re moving on to Cincinnati or whomever we were playing the next week every time I didn’t want to answer reporters’ questions.”
“Coach, everybody’s wondering how you lost to Duke and the week before to NC State. You were brought here to turn around North Carolina’s football program that hasn’t won an ACC football title since 1980.”
“On to Wake Forest.”
Another reporter takes his shot:
“Hey coach, word is your girlfriend is 26 years old and you’re 72. You’re 46 years older than her. What do the two of you talk about and have in common.”
“We mostly talk about football,” he said. “She likes it when I break down the X’s and O’s, punting nuances, and explain how to manipulate the salary cap by cutting good and loyal players in their prime so you don’t have to pay them more when they want to renegotiate their contracts two years later.”
“Do you plan to cut UNC players from your roster in their second and third years even if they’re playing well so you can pay better players you find in the portal?”
“The strategy worked with the Patriots. We won six Super Bowls under my leadership and, despite what many people believe, I was the biggest reason we won all those Lombardi Trophies, not Brady.”
“Do you and Brady still have interpersonal tensions?”
“His broadcasting career is so far underwhelming. We’re on to Wake Forest.”
“OK coach, let’s talk about Wake Forest. How do you plan to win against them on Saturday?”
“I’m going to have to study up on Wake. Tonight I’ll be downloading several dozen blogs written by Sammy Sportface who covers the Wake Forest football in great psychoanalytical depth.”
“What do you know about Wake Forest?”
“I know the three most famous graduates are Arnold Palmer, Riley Skinner is a Winner, and Sammy Sportface.”
“What do you think about the college transfer portal?”
“I think UNC alum better pony up hundreds of millions of dollars this holiday season so I can pay the best players in the portal to come play for the Tar Heels.”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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