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On the nerve-racking Winnebago ride from Charlottesville to Winston-Salem, North Carolina tomorrow for this weekend’s UVA vs. Wake Forest football game, every UVA player will be required to read the Declaration of Independence written by Thomas Jefferson who invented UVA or something.
They will then cut and paste the famous document into the ChatGPT prompt and ask: “Tell us the relative substantive merits and intellectual weightiness of the Declaration of Independence compared with the Sammy Sportface blog about UVA being better in every way than Wake Forest published earlier this week.”
ChatGPT will spit this back at all of them:
“To use a boxing analogy, Thomas Jefferson is an intellectual flyweight, or at most a bantamweight, pitted against the heavyweight erudition of Sammy Sportface. Why are you even asking me this inane question? He studied English at Wake Forest University and started his own blog – two accomplishments TJ could never have put on his curriculum vitae. I mean who else but the inimitable and guileful Sportface would publicly predict Wake will lose Saturday to protect himself psychologically from the unfortunate eventuality of this happening and him having to cope with the intense emotions of an undefeated season and national title flying out his Chevy Nova back window?”
The UVA players will also spend the drive showing each other how to sign up for the Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog.
A few players will question why they’re even doing this drill because they’re not Baby Boomers. An agitated uprising will ensue dead set against doing this especially when they figure out Sportface went to Wake Forest who they’re all focused on pummeling to spitballs on the field Saturday.
Sportface could not be reached for comment because he was studying the UVA football roster to see if any of the players have lacrosse names, figuring he would find a few because UVA is a preppy place where preppy high school laxers go to be preppy, network, and set themselves up for lives of obscene personal wealth accumulation.
Sure enough, Sportface found a handful: Anthony Colandrea, Cavin Frakes, Boone Lourd, Tyler Neville, Grady Brosterhous, Landon Spell, Cayden Cook-Cash, Max Prozny, Robbie Engelberg, Will Bettridge, Logan Kotter, Chase Morrison, Jimmy Christ, Noah Hartsoe, Dane Steele, Drake Metcalf, Joey Kagel, Cole Surber, Grant Ellinger, Alex Reisig, Jack Witmer, Ethan Sipe, Noah Josey, Trevor Ladd, Payton Bunch, Claiborne Richards, Billy Koudelka, Hayden Rollison, and Elijah Slibeck.
“UVA’s roster is stacked with guys with laxer names,” said Sportface. “I knew I would find a few but I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised there are so many. The question is “Can any of them play football? I’m dubious about that.”
Having endured this research, Sportface started feeling better about Saturday’s game.
“Wake could stink things up but you have to be uplifted we’re playing against a legion of laxers Saturday. “Laxers are suspect football players, especially at the skill positions.”
Done with this pre-game analysis, he stopped writing this blog and started thinking about what to write about Caitlin Clark that he hadn’t already covered.
“Caitlin is more important than Wake Forest, Thomas Jefferson, laxers, a national championship, and Sammy Sportface,” he said. “This is where we are. College football just can’t compete with the allure of Miss America, who is the Most Valuable Player in the NBA. If any of her games conflict with Wake football, I’m buying another Sylvania TV.”
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
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