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There is going to be a whole new cavalcade of events, technologies, societal concerns, and self-involved Hollywood actors to focus on at the 2028 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles.
The entire event, which kicks off July 14, will be created, controlled, and manipulated by ChatGPT, the generative artificial intelligence now taking over the world. Athletes will ask ChatGPT how to win their events and the superhuman chatbot will spit back answers that will guide them on how to run faster, be stronger, and jump and dive from higher plateaus such as mountain cliffs in Monterey, CA and land without getting skin welts.
The whole event will have the feel of machines replacing humans which will make watching it kind of weird and unsettling but curiously fascinating. There will also be robot vs. robot events in fencing, for example, but no medals will be given because robots aren’t people and therefore won’t resonate with the prestige of winning medals because they have no emotions.
All the betting on Olympic events will be done using blockchain technology. This way no one will have access to inside information before betting on the events. Everything will be more democratic with all gamblers having access to the same information at the same time on a single plane of glass.
Throughout the games there will be blockchain seminars and tutorials for the hundreds of millions of people who still won’t understand what blockchain is.
There will be a bellyflop exhibition event in the Mission Viejo Swim Club pool where men between the ages of 63 and 79 will compete doing bellyflops off a 10-meter platform. Automatic disqualifications will be slapped on any belly floppers who don’t land flat on their bellies or wear a Speedo. Only stupid-looking old man bathing suit trunks will be tolerated. There will be absolutely no turning off spectators especially young children.
There will be “we conquered global warming” celebrations throughout the Olympics because within the next four years the world will have figured out collectively how to keep the Earth from sizzling like bacon on a skillet at Waffle House.
The head of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) will light the torch but this will get criticized because no one will know who this person is; the argument will be the torch lighter should have some connection to sports, and no one who works for the EPA knows anything about sports.
There will be ongoing YouTube Masterclass sessions for all the people stuck on Los Angeles freeways in what will be the most onerous and immovable traffic jams in world history. The Master Classes will offer a variety of activities people can do while sitting in a car for countless hours not going anywhere.
Hollywood actors will be strutting around at various Olympic venues taking pictures of themselves and peddling their latest movies. Tom Cruise will hold a meeting discussing the movie he was in about a high school football player in Pennsylvania and how much grief he caught from people who didn’t believe he fit the part because he’s not athletic.
The Opening and Closing ceremonies will be presided over by various world dignitaries, the mayor of Los Angeles, and sports blogging superhero Sammy Sportface.
For his commitment to blogging incessantly and unnecessarily about the 2028 Olympics far earlier than anyone else, he’ll demand that he says on opening night “let the Games begin” and on the last night “I won the bellyflop contest.”
He will flaunt his Gold Medal to the stadium crowd and boos will ooze like lava out of a volcano.
Sportface will then announce he’s retiring from sports blogging to make more money in commercial real estate leasing office space.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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