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Throughout the dog days of July, blathering blogger turned beach bum, Sammy Sportface, has been bombarding his friends with unsolicited beach emails.
And now, feeling inspired and light-headed by the daily whiffs of the salty beach air, he’s concocted a bodacious branding decision and it’s only decent he lets you in on the news before this goes national.
He’s changing his name to Sammy Sandface. This decision is rooted in futuristic thinking and sound rationale.
“I don’t care about sports anymore,” said Sandface from his dinky Dunkin Donuts dining table in Bethany Beach. “The LIV and PGA Tours are a mess. The NFL season is going to suck hearing about Aaron Rodgers every 15 seconds. And the ESPYS didn’t give The Joker hoop sensation the Male Athlete of the Year Award, which is the biggest joke in the history of sports awards. I’m no longer a sports blogger. I know this news will be disheartening to some. Going forward I will only blog about the beach, boardwalk fries, and all things sand-related including its texture, granularity, and symbolic connotations. Hence the name is now Sammy Sandface from now until the end of my natural life.
“We all need this change,” Sandface went on. “Sammy Sportface never really resonated as a brand name or a blogging business and besides, who really cares, so it’s time for a branding facelift. Might as well try something offbeat because what’s happening now isn’t resonating, and I think we’re all pretty sure the Sammy Sportface experiment never will.”
As part of this new persona-building initiative, Sandface will spend the next few weeks sitting on the sand brainstorming ideas for his new content strategy and how to build a much bigger number of Facebook followers than Sammy Sportface ever did.
Starting this week he has scheduled on-the-beach meetings with several sand-interested sponsors such as Coppertone.
“We’re thinking of a logo with Sandface buried all the way up to his face in sand with his mouth crammed with sand,” said Coppertone’s Director of Marketing, Sandy Sands. “To build on that tactic, we’re also planning an attention-grabbing publicity stunt in which beachgoers will compete to build the best Sammy Sandface sandcastle. The castle with the sandiest face and mouth will have the inside track for the prize, which will be a sandcastle bust of Sammy Sandface writing a blog in the sand with his finger.”
Well-sculpted busts of Sandface will litter all of Delaware’s beaches and then, when high tide hits, will get washed away forever never to be seen again.
“This is what I’ve always wanted, the evolution of life on the sand in one daily cycle from sandcastle to no more sandcastle, showing how life keeps evolving from one thing to another,” says Sandface. “But for posterity, my sandy face will be plastered all over Atlantic Coast highway billboard ads and the New York Stock Exchange building. The Sammy Sandface sensation is about to sweep across the seven continents like a stupendous sandstorm.”
Sandy Sands said there will also be a prize given to the person on the sand who estimates most closely to the number of grains of sand between the jetties of First Street and Central Avenue in Bethany.
“The person within the closest trillion will win an autographed copy of Sammy Sandface’s ebook Wipe That Sand Off Sammy Sportface.
During all these stunts, the band American will play their hit song, The Sandman, up on the boardwalk next to the sandy beach.
To memorialize this newly created fake person, Sandface wrote a blog. But everyone was away at the beach so no one read it.
“Sandface got washed away by the sand,” says Sandface. “The same fate of Sammy Sportface, just a different context. All he was was sand in the wind.”
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
