Sportface was out socializing in Charlotte, North Carolina the other night being unnecessarily and uncomfortably intense in my conversations with everyone I spoke with – most of whom I had never met and will never see again.
This outing was part of my new mission to develop more strong interpersonal relationships because everything I read says the happiest people have the most fulfilling human relationships.
As serendipity would have it, during my outing I met a guy I went to high school with 44 years ago whom I hadn’t seen or thought about once since and never spoke with while in high school. He told me had been an employee with the Carolina Panthers NFL football team.
Pursuing the bottom line, I asked: “Who’s the best human being you’ve ever met on that team or in the entire NFL?”
“Luke Kuechly,” he said.
I figured. Never heard anyone say anything negative about Luke, who before retiring a few years ago was the NFL’s Defensive Player of the Year, a perennial All-Pro, and the Butkus Award Winner his senior year at Boston College given to the best college linebacker in America.
“You know Kuechly?” I yelped and moved my face closer to his so I could pull information from him with fewer distractions.
“Oh yeah, Luke and I hang out a lot. He’s one of my best friends.”
This was my opportunity to dial up my social aggressiveness and interpersonal unintelligence.
“Dude, you have his phone number and address? I wanna go over to Luke’s house and hang out with him. I wanna see his trophy case with the Butkus Award and fondle it. I wanna tell him I saw Doug Flutie throw the Hail Mary to Gerard Phelan to trounce Miami in ‘84. I wanna ask him what it was like to win the Butkus, Lombardi, and Bronco Nagurski Awards in college and make 532 tackles in his college career. I wanna tell him that my niece went to Boston College. I wanna tell him I played in the Mcdonald’s Capital Classic. I wanna take him out to Wendys and interview him and post a blog about what Luke thinks about everything as exclusive content for the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog. I wanna invite him to join the Brotherhood. Luke would be a perfect celebrity to join the Brotherhood and bring it much more credibility than it has now.”
After spewing all this, I could see the eyes of Luke’s friend looking around – not at me — thinking about how to get out of our conversation, wondering who I was. I could tell he felt uncomfortable.
“Um, well, I dunno,” he said.
“Come on dude, we went to the same high school. We have a kinship that goes back almost five decades. You need to hook me up with Luke. You can come along with us to Wendys as long as you stay quiet because I got a ton of things I wanna ask Luke about like his mentality when he popped quarterback, what it was like sticking tight ends, what it was like being the biggest badass in the NFL, etcetera.”
“Who are you again?” Luke’s friend asked. “Did we really go to high school together? I don’t remember ever seeing or talking to you.”
“Dude, Luke, man, I gotta go hang out with Luke. It’s not hard man. If you just give me his address I’ll go over to his house uninvited so he won’t be able to ignore my calls; that works best. It’s my patented “build a network of friends differently” strategy that has been pretty unsuccessful but still has legs.”
Luke’s friend started backing away from me.
“Excuse me, I need to talk to a guy I see over there.”
That guy was another one of our high school classmates.
“Who is this guy pushing me to introduce him to Luke Kuechly?”
“He’s Sammy Sportface,” said the other friend. “He does this awkward and uncouth stuff all the time. He stops in on people uninvited all the time and it never ends well. But he doesn’t care. He sees an opportunity to jock-sniff Luke Kuechly and he doesn’t let go of jock-straps easily.”
“Ain’t no way I’m introducing him to Luke,” he said. “Luke will hate that guy.”
“Sportface won’t care,” said the friend. “You might as well introduce him to Luke now because he’ll harass you and drive you insane until you do.”
“Dude I’m outta here,” said Luke’s friend. “I gotta get away from that Sportface creep. He’s making me insane. I’ll make sure he never meets Luke.”
To be continued…
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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