Your prostate will keep getting bigger. But why not speed up the process? No sense in prolonging the inevitable. Your prostate has a story arc; take control of it.
Five ways and only five. Don’t deviate from these.
One: Make sure no one else is in your house. Invite your friend over. Tell him to bring his golf driver or three-wood. When he arrives, bend over and have him smack your prostate. If he makes solid contact, your prostate will swell up and throb.
Two: Go to your garage and get your bicycle pump. Bend over and tell your friend to stick the needle in your prostate and have him pump away feverishly as if he’s pumping up a flat tire in a driving snowstorm on the New Jersey Turnpike at night. Air will fill your prostate. Its circumference of it will expand like a balloon on the verge of popping.
Three: Go to your kitchen cabinet. Find the lard canister. Rub gobs of gooey lard on your prostate. Lard fattens people. Through the transitive property, lard also makes prostates more portly. Then digress. Take a spoonful of lard and lick all of it because you’re curious about what lard tastes like.
Four: Go to your doctor. Tell him you want him to fuse a second prostate with yours from some cadaver he has lying around. When he asks why tell him you want to enlarge your prostate. When he tells you that’s not a good idea, tell him you’ll pay him $20,000. He’ll do it for the extra cash.
Five: Make sure no one is home. Invite your friend over and tell him to bring over his Fat Albert bat. Bend over and have him whack you in your prostate. It will swell up, maybe not as much when he whacks your prostate with the golf club. Iron causes more damage than plastic. But both will help enlarge your prostate. In this case, more is better.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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