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You need to go shopping soon for your walking cane.
One option is Googling around and price comparing. Or save yourself a bucketload of time by succumbing to Sportface’s suggestions. He’s done the legwork. Everything you need to know appears here based on his due diligence.
You can customize your cane just like you have your tuxedo or the diapers you’ll be wearing on your deathbed. Stoney could get one, for instance, with a bust of Plaxico Burris. Rip could tailor one with a sculpted noggin of Luca’s Mom. Joe Glee Club could have one made of himself pump-faking in Canada. Lal Henny could – and no doubt would – create one of himself smooching Sue McDonough at the Holy Cross senior prom.
Options are limitless. You could get one of Head but that would be too heavy to carry around and of little practical use other than a conversation piece. But maybe those conversations would be worth the investment.
You could install at the top a grotesque image of a swordfish, Rudyface, Sportface, the Sportface and Spars Podcast logo, Coach Prime, or an impression of the Tony Robbins set of teeth.
The shape of your cane can also be made to your liking. It can be bent at the top, middle, or bottom although this may render them useless in keeping you from falling and cracking your hip. You can be thin like Chile or thick like Rudy’s bottom. It can look kind of provocative or, even better, absurd and incomprehensible. You can make it any shape you want – a basketball, for instance — and forget about whether it’s useful as a cane. All that matters is what pleases you.
You can have the cane manufactured in England or France or down at the local hardware store. Or you can carve one in your basement man cave. Nothing better than carving in the cave.
You can follow directions while building your cane, like when making blueberry waffles, or just wing it and hope you make something useful. Or you can produce something you can hang on your wall as a thing of wonder for your neighbors to stop by and discuss and then never agree to stop by your house again.
Your cane can be any color you want. Sportface prefers clashing Christmas red and green – the color of the H.D. Woodson High School gym floor where he practiced and schooled 11 D.C. Interhigh Stars gearing up for the Capital Classic. You may choose chartreuse for your color.
Some other guy might want UPS brown because of what it does for him; another canary yellow to match the color of Sportface’s tux for the junior prom.
You may want to spray paint Wednesday on your cane or Tuesday or the SS BBB. Or maybe two numbers – 55 and 11 – to match the Sportface black jersey.
You can also use your cane for many purposes beyond keeping you from falling. You may want to imagine it’s a Louisville Slugger 35-ounce baseball bat.
Standing in front of your full-body mirror, you can pretend you’re about to get a low and outside slider. You swing late on purpose and rip that slippery trash to the opposite field gap for an extra base-frozen rope, knocking in two runs.
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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