One: The “Transfer Portal” will become new hit reality TV series
College athletes from around the United States will be filmed packing their bags at home and catching flights to the new colleges they will have transferred to. Flying on Transfer Portal Airlines, they’ll be interviewed and bad mouth openly the coaches and players on their former teams and explain the three key reasons they decided to transfer which will always be: more playing time, less schoolwork, and more opportunities to party more. Sammy Sportface will be the traveling reporter with these transfers and focus his entire transfer portal news and trends.
“The Baby Boomer Brotherhood demographic hasn’t warmed to my content so I’m leaving them in the lurch, arm-tackling opportunism, and focusing all my blogs going forward on the transfer portal phenomenon,” he said. “To win the blogging business, you need to be out in front of the biggest trend in all of sports – guys leaving colleges to play at other colleges.”
The Kardashian sisters will direct every episode because they’re experts at exploiting reality TV and because, to keep viewers interested, the transfers will need to develop seedy and serious relationships with the black-haired bombshells.
There will be parties thrown on each episode for all the players who joined the transfer portal on the campuses of their new venues for higher learning. At the parties will be several side of the road bands such as Jethro Tull, The The, and Molly Hatchet. There will be transfer portal T-shirts made up for all party-goers that read “Welcome to Transfer Portal Nation.”
A whole new academic cottage industry will explode. After earning your master’s and Ph.D. in transfer portal pedagogy, professors will specialize in teaching transfer portal students how to navigate seamlessly and underhandedly in their new institutions of higher learning.
There will be guest appearances on the shows by former college athletes who transferred such as Troy Aikman and Cam Newton. From a podium and all decked out in a flamboyant outfit, Newton will give two-hour inspirational speeches about how leveraging the transfer portal in college helped him develop into a has-been, under-performing NFL quarterback.
Two: Ben Simmons will launch a new basketball camp called “Sharp Shooters” to teach America’s youth how to consistently make 3-point shots
From all across America’s fruited plain, young boys and girls will flock to this camp with hopes of becoming excellent outside shooters of the basketball. They will have come to exactly the right place when they attend the Ben Simmons “Sharp Shooters” camp held on the downtown streets on the playground courts in Philadelphia.
Simmons will demonstrate textbook form for shooting including how to position your hands on the ball, how to set up your elbow, what part of the rim to focus on, and how long to hold the follow-through after the shoot.
He’ll also elaborate on the mental aspects of shooting and how confidence is really the key to becoming a sharpshooter. “The more you visualize the ball going in the basket, the more you believe and tell yourself you’re a great shooter, the better shooter you’ll become,” he’ll say with no credibility whatsoever.
All this will contribute to a highly value-less experience for the campers. But they’ll get an added sociological experience they won’t get at any other sharpshooters basketball camp. Tens of thousands of citizens from across Philadelphia will crowd around the courts yelling at Simmons to leave town because he’s a terrible outside shooter.
“Scram Simmons,” they’ll scream. “You shoot like shit.”
Three: Aaron Rodgers will create his own TV show about himself titled “The Most Talented Man in the World”
The quarterback will break down each episode into five segments. In each one he’ll talk about why he’s the most talented person on Earth at various aspects of his life starting with being an NFL quarterback, then being the smartest NFL quarter ever which is why he was qualified to host the TV show for brainheads called “Jeopardy.”
The show will also have Rodgers explaining why it’s impossible for anyone to even try to be “The Most Talented Man in the World” because he’s so much more talented than everyone in so many different things. Comparing himself to Albert Einstein, Picasso, and Leonardo da Vinci, he’ll explain why we should all just be content not being as talented as him and just be quiet and accept our second-class plights. In his own condescending style, he’ll also remind us all that he doesn’t care about any of us nearly as much as himself.
“This show will blow away all the ratings for other shows because people won’t be able to resist watching me be astronomically arrogant,” said Rodgers. “The worst part about it for them is that I back up my arrogance with supreme performances because I’m wicked talented.”
Four: Bryson DeChambeau releases new book “5 Ways Nuclear Physics Boosts Your Golf Game”
When he releases his new book, he’ll post a complementary YouTube video of him standing in a white laboratory coat in a nuclear reactor laboratory in New Mexico’s Los Alamos National Laboratory.
With his Bunsen burners smoking hot, and his nuclear reactors cocked and ready, DeChambeau will pull out his golf club and dip it into the Bunsen burner and show the wood and metal melting. “If you burn your clubs in a bunsen burner, you’ll have a spiritual awakening about golf,” he said. “You connect the power of fire with the power of your golf swing.”
Then he’ll swing his driver and hit the nuclear reactor and the laboratory will blow up in a mushroom cloud. His nemesis, Brooks Koepka, will post a Tweet showing the mushroom cloud along with a posthumous photo of DeChambeau in his white lab coat.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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