You could go to New Zealand or watch the Kardashians or ride a rollercoaster at King’s Dominion or do something else you find pleasurable but you’ll never have more non-stop giddy fun than you will at a football tailgate party.
Now more than ever, these events have been conventions for everybody of all ages to get together and rally their buns off chatting it up, talking football, goofing around, drinking Cream Sodas and Baileys Irish Cream and eating fried chicken and Dunkin Donuts while standing up and not using napkins.
And drinking beer and wine.
If you’ve never been to a tailgate party, you’re missing out on the greatest single event American life has to offer.
In two weeks I’m going to the Wake Forest vs. Army game at West Point in New York. There I’ll be gathering at a tailgate early in the morning until late at night with college friends I’ve known for some 35 years.
We’ve all been looking forward to this as the first real post-Covid gathering on a grand scale.
For tailgates, everybody is expected to bring something besides just their appetites and inclinations to be self-centered. It’s a communally shared experience sort of like a potluck dinner in the neighborhood, except much more fun and with people you like to hang out with.
So I’ve been preparing a list of what I plan to bring to the game. And I recommend you bring these same things to your tailgate party and you’ll be the hit of your party. Here’s a sample:
Portable skee ball court
3 decks of cards
A sword juggler
3 Clydesdale horses
A gigantic moon bounce
Jumbo bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream
Two dozen Dunkin Donuts
Rack of barbecue ribs
A recording of “Island Girl”
Fish tank with live guppies
Windshield wiper fluid
Mona Lisa painting
Juicy Fruit 12 pack
Edgar Allen Poe’s poems
Transcripts of Winston Churchill Speeches
A couple of bagpipes
Tony Robbins motivational tapes
To be continued…