Weed

Weed: Let All Olympic Athletes – Including Swimmers – Smoke

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Everybody in the sports world needs to take a serious bong hit. Hold it in for 30 seconds, then exhale. Sit back. Let weed do a number on your brain.

This will calm everybody in this country down who is freaking out about this week’s news that Sha’Carri Richardson has been suspended from the U.S. Olympic team. The winner of the 100-meter dash at the U.S. Olympic Trials tested positive for THC, the chemical in weed that sends you to Saturn.

While there are plenty of rationale arguments on both sides of this issue about whether it was right to suspend her, I say let’s not get bogged down in the moral and self-righteous debating.

We need to think about this differently. We need to raise our expectations higher than the cumulous clouds and expand our minds from Tokyo to Tinseltown, USA.

All Olympic athletes should be allowed to smoke weed today, tomorrow, the day before their events, the day of their events, and up to a minute before the start of their events. And while warming down after their events.

We all know how entertaining it is to watch the Olympics, to see people dedicate their lives to achieve Gold Medals. That’s plenty compelling in and of itself. Imagine how much more entertaining it would be to watch the athletes compete stoned out of their minds.

We’d all be on an unprecedented joyride into another stratosphere, a visual Candy Park as we’ve never played in before.

Picture the 100-meter dash final. Some of the lanes won’t be filled because a few runners got high and lost interest in racing. They’ll be reporters hunting down the no-shows. When they find them, the interviews will go something like this:

Reporter: “Why did not show up for the biggest race of your life?

Stoned Sprinter: “I did a few bongs hits about an hour before the race and got really hungry. So I went to the local supermarket and bought Honey  Mustard Pretzels, Cheetos, Barbecue Fritos, and Hostess Cup Cakes. I lost track of time. But it doesn’t matter. I’m really stoned and it feels really good like I’m floating above Tokyo looking down on the Olympic Stadium like a fairy godmother or something.”

Moving to the steeplechase event, envision one of the runners being high and deciding not to jump over the hurdles and rather just wade in the water just beyond the hurdles.

Reporter: “Why didn’t you jump over the hurdles and instead wade in the water?”

Stoned Hurdler: “The hurdles looked to me like giant gates at the front of Cinderella’s Castle. I didn’t feel like jumping over giant gates. Felt like going in some water and soothing my skin. What a day it was for a swim.”

Over at the javelin venue, one of the contestants decides to heave the sharp-tipped spear into the crowd rather than out into the landing field.

Reporter: “Why did you throw the javelin into the crowd?”

Stoned Javeliner: “I got these thoughts in my mind that the crowd was in a Roman Coliseum and I was a gladiator and heard their voices chanting my name and urging me to heave the spear at them. So I did.”

These stoned scenes would play out throughout the Olympic venues. Over at the pool, weed-packed bongs would be placed beside every starting block in all eight lanes. Every swimmer would be able to take a bong hit before their races.

Some would do this then get up on the block went instructed to by the starter. Some would take the bong and sit in the chair behind their lane, take several more bong hits and watch the race they were supposed to be in.

The grand finale of these Olympic Games, as is the great tradition, would be the men’s 26-mile marathon. The runner in first place nearing the stadium tunnel to finish the race would be stoned. The Kenyan male (they always win marathons) would forget to go into the stadium and keep running down more streets of Tokyo. The second, third and fourth place runners – also baked – would follow him.

Fans waiting to watch the climactic scene of the top runners entering the stadium would sit there restlessly wondering why no one was coming through the tunnel into the stadium.

NBC Sports cameramen, high as kites themselves, would continue riding alongside the runners on their motorcycle commenting on where the runners were going but not really knowing themselves where they were.

Over at the beach volleyball venue, no one would even think about playing volleyball. All the players would get stoned and throw a big keg party. Things would get out of hand eventually and they’d all end up skinny dipping in the Straight of Tokyo.

Sammy Sportface

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Sammy Sportface

Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here: Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
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Sammy Sportface
Sammy Sportface
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:

Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out

Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page

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