Sport your Creamsicle orange XXL Speedos. Get in your psychologically destructive mindset. Generate anger. Channel agitation. Bring a 12-pack of Pecan Twirls and a bag of coffee roll donut treats.
This is your to-do list to get uncontrollably amped up for the second — and hopefully last — Booze Crooze Tooze in the Bethany Beach Bay of Pigs on July 17th.
But there’s more. Escalate your expectations. Over-anticipate what might happen. See beyond yourself. Think about this day in unhealthy ways.
And get ready to blow up Rudy’s life.
The entire event, from concept ideation to the invite list to logistics and supply chain execution, comes down to one thing: making this a miserable experience for Rudy.
He’s the guy we all need to devastate. Tear his mind to shreds. Make him regret agreeing to be on Booze Crooze Tooze. Fill his heart with abject dismay.
When you spiral him down into this troubled place, collaborate with a few other fellas and heave him in the Bay against his will. Rev up Whit’s yacht and speed away. Wave to Rudy as you watch him bobbing in the water.
Call the Coast Guard. Tell them there’s a guy in the water who needs to be rescued. Watch the Coast Guard boat scoop up Rudy.
Watch Whit whiz by Rudy in his yacht.
“Hey Rudy,” he’ll say while smoking a Camel. “How’s it feel getting rescued by the Coast Guard? Betcha they’re not serving you Orange Crushes. We’ve got hundreds of those on my yacht.”
Notice Rudy pouting on the Coast Guard boat lying to them about why he ended up in the water.
“Let me back on your yacht, Whit,” yells Rudy. “I wanna re-join you guys. I promise I’ll shut up and stop calling Billy Dankos Billy Dankos.”
“No one believes that, Rudy,” say Billy D. Williams Dankos. “I’ve been asking you not to call me Billy Dankos for the last 42 years and you’ve never listened to me. Why should I trust you now?”
“Trust me, Billy Dankos, I’ve changed,” said Rudy. “I thought as I was bobbing in the Bay about all I’ve done that’s been wrong to other people for so many decades. I realize now I’ve gone too far down the wrong path. I’ve given way too much trash to too many people for too many years and I feel bad about that. It’s time for me to start picking up the broken pieces of my life and start treating my friends with respect even Billy Dankos.”
“Don’t call me that, Rudy,” said Billy D. Williams Dankos.
“Ok Dankos,” said Rudy.
In his orange Speedo, Rudy dives out of the Coast Guard boat and starts swimming towards Whit’s yacht. He stops to whiz figuring he’s not the first person to do so in the public water.
“You whizzing, Rudy?” asks Billy Dankos.
“Drank 10 Orange Crushes, of course, I am Dankos.”
Rudy gets back on the yacht.
“Hey Dankos, get me another Orange Crush,” said Rudy. “And tell me more stories like the ones you told me during last year’s Booze Crooze.”
“I can’t tell those stories, Rudy,” said Billy Dankos.
“Throw Dankos in the Bay,” says Rudy. “If he’s not gonna entertain us with his spectacular stories, he’s useless to us.”
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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