We all have bad encounters. We run into people we wish we never had who are devious and wish us nothing but misfortune. All this is a central theme in the life story of Luke “The Kuke” Nolan. He happened to attend the same high school as the world’s biggest jerk and the most merciless and insensitive heckler, Rudy Miller.
One day while minding his own business Luke Nolan walked into the school lunchroom and Rudy shouted: “Hey Luke the Kuke, what’s up with you? You’re the biggest Kuke of all the biggest Kukes in the world.”
Kuke hadn’t done anything to provoke this. He was minding his own business, opening his brown bag lunch. This incident was yet another of hundreds where Rudy wanted to unsettle someone’s world and send their lives spiraling downward. Ruining others, Rudy felt he’d get the competitive psychological advantage he needed to succeed in life.
“Ever since Rudy called me Luke the Kuke everybody started calling me Luke the Kuke and it’s been going on non-stop for 40 years,” said Luke the Kuke. “I’ve never been able to shake this nickname and it’s Rudy’s fault entirely.”
Luke the Kuke went to college where everybody called him Luke the Kuke. Every year his birthday cakes say “Happy Birthday, Luke the Kuke. When he goes to sporting events, fans chant Luke the Kuke and wear Luke the Kuke T-shirts and hats.
“I can’t escape Luke the Kuke no matter how hard I try and no matter where I go,” said Luke Nolan. “I blame all of this on Rudy. He didn’t have to call me Luke the Kuke in high school but he went ahead and did it anyway because that’s the kind of guy he is. The only reason I joined the Baby Boomer Brotherhood is to have Sportface write this blog about me and to deliver this message to Rudy: “Hey Rudy: Stop calling me Luke the Kuke. You’re the rudest guy ever.”
Billy Dankos piled on.
“I know exactly how Luke the Kuke feels,” said Dankos. “Rudy started calling me Billy Dankos in high school and the name has stuck with me ever since. I told Rudy more than a hundred times to stop calling me Billy Dankos and he refused. The more I asked him not to, the more he kept saying Billy Dankos, Billy Dankos, Billy Dankos.”
Rudy was contacted for this story.
“Luke’s a Kuke so that’s why I called him Luke the Kuke. I’m never gonna apologize. I give guys names they hate, tell everybody else to call them by that name, and watch the guys suffer with their new names the rest of their lives. No skin off my back. It gives me a leg up on guys when I put them down and give them nicknames they despise. But I’m telling you what, seriously, Luke’s a Kuke.”
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