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Kyrie Irving announced today he’ll be taking off three weeks from playing for his team, the Brooklyn Nets, to unwind and hang out and do whatever he wants to do.
“I’m a basketball genius and don’t need to be playing these meaningful regular seasons games,” said Irving. “I’ll be back in time for the playoffs.”
During his respite, he said he plans to do whatever he feels like. He won’t be practicing his basketball skills because he’s so naturally gifted he doesn’t need to keep his muscle memory sharp.
“I’m gonna hang out and maybe watch my team plays some games these next few weeks, maybe not, it just depends on what I feel like doing,” said Irving. “Maybe I’ll go to Atlantic City or Vegas or something.”
The basketball genius has taken some other interesting turns in recent years. After winning the NBA title with LeBron James, he decided he needed to be the main superstar on the team and so blabbered his way off LeBron’s team to join the Boston Celtics.
With the Celtics, he promptly alienated all of his teammates and coaches and was so toxic that the team’s record plummeted once he joined and all his teammates didn’t want him on the squad anymore.
After that blown-up season, the Celtics quickly dismissed him and he joined the Brooklyn Nets, where he immediately said the team doesn’t have enough great players like him and needed to make some trades to get better ones.
The team got some new players. But still, Irving decided he’s gonna do what he wants and play when he wants. Earlier this season he took another sabbatical from the game to hang out for multiple weeks for no apparent reason other than he felt like it.
“I don’t need to be playing regular-season basketball games with a bunch of scrubs on my team,” said Irving. “When the playoffs start, KD and James Harden better realize that I’m the biggest star on the team and get out of my way because I’m gonna be taking the most shots and all the big ones in the clutch.”
Nets coach Steve Nash said: “Kyrie can do and say whatever he wants because I’m a first-year coach and, as everyone around the NBA knows, players have more clout than coaches. If Kyrie wants to take three weeks off in the middle of the season, he can do that. If he wants to trash his teammates, I can’t stop him. I’m just a figurehead. Kyrie runs this team but KD and James Harden think they run the team. It’s a mess. The egos on this team are sky-high.”
In response to Kyrie’s announcement today, KD said he plans to take three weeks off pretty soon even though he’s missed most of this season’s games.
“I’m bored with basketball and prefer to spend my time firing off incendiary Tweets,” said KD. “If Kyrie gets to take three weeks off whenever he wants, so can I because I’m the biggest star on this team.”
James Harden jumped in: “I’m injured right now but I plan to take a few extra weeks off once I’m healed just because I feel like hanging out and if Kyrie gets to do that I can too. I’ve led the NBA in scoring the past three years and when the playoffs start you better believe I’m gonna be the one taking the most shots and scoring the most points.”
The Nets have several games remaining on their regular-season schedule, but Kyrie, KD, and Harden said they’re going to have a competition of who can play the least amount of games before the playoffs start.
All this is going down while each of them makes in excess of $68 million a year after taxes.
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