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From the pirate’s ship at Tom Brady Field, Sportface and Bill Walton meet again.
Walton’s been reading “They Call Me Coach” by his favorite UCLA coach, John Wooden. Earlier this week he finished reading “The 100 Best Grateful Dead Concerts” by Bill Walton and “How Sportface Twisted Walton’s Sense of Reality” by Sammy Sportface.
He had started reading “Toughness” by Jay Bilas but found it tedious and pretentious so slammed it in his wastebasket.
“Bilas thinks a little too much of himself,” said Walton. “He needs to find another way to explore life that doesn’t involve him thinking he’s the only man who knows anything. None of us know all we should know nor everything there is to know but I don’t know what Bilas seems to think he knows. But I do know he blows. Duke pukes. UCLA is the greatest college program ever.”
“So, Bill,” asks Sammy. “What do you think of your UCLA Bruins going to the Final Four?”
“It reminds me so much of my days in college when every day was a beach and basketball party of prehistoric proportions and perfected pandemonium,” said Walton. “There were cheerleaders everywhere we went and beers and substances for everybody to take whenever they felt like it.
“Last night’s win marks the rebirth of UCLA basketball, the tunnel to another title, the punch to the jaws of college basketball skeptics who stopped believing in the Bruins. This 2021 team’s spectacular run to the Final Four puts Pauley Pavilion back into the American lexicon. Kids who haven’t heard of Pauley Pavilion will now know how mammoth it always will be in the pantheon of basketball religious zealots. This puts Greg Lee and Jamaal Wilkes and the Wizard of Westwood right back on the front pages of basketball bulletins and blogs everywhere where they should be and always should have been.”
“Where are you going to watch the Final Four?”
“Is that some sort of bald-headed trick question, Sportface? You know I wouldn’t be anywhere else but right here sprawled out on the pirate’s ship with Ricky Williams and you, Sammy Sportface,” said Walton. “We’re gonna take it all in, burn some incense, do some pre-game yoga, chug some carrot juice and down some carrot cake, and immerse ourselves in the memories of UCLA’s run under Wooden of seven national championships.
“It’s been well chronicled that I was a hippie then, and I still am, praise be to the gorgeous galaxies above us and even those beyond this hemisphere and adjacent stratosphere. Some things stay the same no matter the time of year or the decade or the transformations of culture, religion, psychology or epistemology.”
“What are you gonna eat during the Final Four?
“Goat meat, of course,” says Walton. “UCLA is the greatest college basketball dynasty of all time. John Wooden was the greatest coach of all time. I had the single greatest college basketball Final Four game of all time making 21 of 22 shots most of them lay-ins off galactically gorgeous feeds from my point guard, Greg Lee.”
“Some people say you flamed out after college?”
“Those people are not seeing the bigger picture. Man is meant to evolve and twist around into new formations. People need to make paradigm shifts to be fully actualized. I just followed the precepts of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, elevating upward towards a place where my soul disconnected from my body and soared into the clouds never to return again.”
“What are you talking about, Bill?”
“Don’t ask me, Sportface. Don’t overthink life. It’s about nothing more or nothing less than my Bruins, UCLA, rising to the basketball behemoth, the Final Four. It’s about Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. It’s about Doctor J and MJ and Bill Russell. We’re about to revel in a great American celebration, The Final Four. UCLA is back. I’m back. It’s the timeless story and ageless wonder about the whole world being resurrected from the Grateful Dead.”
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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