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Sportface meets Bill Walton at Shell Gas Station for lunch. They get Twinkies, Fanta Grape Soda, Barbecue Fritos, and Pecan Twirls.
They sit in Sportface’s dark brown Chevelle enjoying their copycat meal.
Sportface: So Bill, what are your thoughts on the March Madness Tournament this year?
“What a fabulous field we have to feast on this year,” says Walton. “It’s going to be like eating Twinkies in Sportface’s Chevelle for three straight weeks. Think of the magnificence of this tournament. Teams from the Big Sky Conference. I always get high when I broadcast Big Sky games. And all other games. Teams from the Great Northwest like Gonzaga. It’s time for Mark Few to win a Few big games before they choke by a Few in the Sweet 16. Teams from the Midwest: Illinois, Michigan, some team that calls themselves the Antelopes. Can you imagine how stoned the person was who named his school mascot the antelopes? I wanna party with him. What a country we live in. What a lewd experience it is to live during March Madness.”
Sportface: What about Baylor, Bill? They’re loaded with talent.
“Baylor’s always been one of my favorite universities ever since Robert Griffin The Third played quarterback there. Those boys from Baylor are ballers. And how ‘bout the entire state of Texas. Its vastness and tumbleweeds make me want to shout from the top of the Grand Canyon in the nude. And how about Shaka Super Smart. I mean, how many guys you know get accepted for their academics alone to Princeton, Harvard, and Yale and turn them all down to play hoops at Kenyon College. You’ve gotta love that. Shake Smart is smarter than even Jay Bilas. He’s got an IQ of 299. Who in their right mind would bet against Shaka Smart taking the Longhorns to the national title and cutting down the nets on Monday night?
Walton pauses. He takes a big long swig of his Fanta Grape Soda.
“How fabulous is Fanta Grape Soda, Sportface? It’s like drinking wine with Drew Bledsoe on his vineyard in Walla Walla, Washington. So juicy. So sweet. Is there anything sweeter than having lunch at the Shell Station drinking Fanta Grape Soda with Sammy Sportface?
Sportface: What about Winthrop. Think they can go all the way?
“Of course. You’ve got to believe in the American ideal that everybody’s got a shot, even the little guys. That’s what makes this country so bountiful and wonderful. The tournament epitomizes American opportunism and the entrepreneurial spirit. It’s what makes this country of ours the stars and stripes forever. Sure, Winthrop can win it all. I believe anything can happen if I just think about it long enough.”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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