0
0
Surrounded by reporters having just won his unprecedented seventh Super Bowl, Tom Brady fielded questions on the Raymond James Stadium football field.
“Tom, we heard you overcame an insidious plot by Bill Belichick designed to stop you from winning your seventh Super Bowl,” says Stephen A. “How did you do it? I want the truth, damnit.”
“I knew all about Belch’s plot,” said Brady. “Sammy Sportface wrote all about it in his blog when Belch arrived 10 days before the Super Bowl. Sportface knew every stunt Belch was trying to pull. So I read Sammy every day and took action to prevent any of his strategies from working.”
Brady explained, for example, that Belch had a camera listening to his hotel room conversations. He deliberately faked conversations with Coach Arians about strategies his team was not going to use.
Belch recorded those and sent them to the Chiefs and the Chiefs thought the Bucs were going to do things they never did. Brady fed those cameras misleading information that backfired on Belch.
And as for the laxatives Belch put in the Bucs’ Gatorade buckets, Brady says he just switched out the buckets Belch stuffed with Dulcolax for new buckets with regular Gatorade. All of it – every scheme — Brady knew about and used against Belch.
And Belch tried to hypnotize Gronk, but Brady says Gronk faked getting hypnotized because he knew about the plot in advance because Gronk, too, religiously read Sammy Sportface’s blog leading up to Super Bowl SS.
“The guy who thinks he’s the ultimate strategist, the smartest guy in the room, the clever cuss who cuts guys ruthlessly and wanted to cut me after sacrificing my entire life to win him six Super Bowls, has been exposed for who he is, a jealous loser,” said Brady. “He’s not the best football mind of all time. I am. And I just proved it. I’m especially proud to win six Super Bowls and the first Super Bowl SS (Sammy Sportface). And now it’s time to get to work to win my second Super Bowl SS.”
Brady ditches the throng of reporters. Half the field has been roped off for the victory celebration. Brady ordered security guards to rope off the other half for him to start practicing for next season.
The Jumbotron on that side of the field runs game films of Brady’s first opponent next season. His center starts snapping his balls in the shotgun at the 50-yard line.
Ten receivers line up as wideouts on both sides of the field running down and outs, slants, skinny posts and go routes. The receivers include Gronk, Mike Evans, Julian Edelman, Randy Moss, Troy Brown, Julio Jones, Rex Burkhead, Brett Favre, and Forrest Gump.
“Can you believe this I mean, boom, look at Brett Favre playing wide receiver for Tom Brady?” says John Madden. “I mean that guy is really something special.”
Up on the pirate ship, Bill Walton and Ricky alternate hits on a joint.
“Look at this guy Brady,” says Walton. “I mean he just became the greatest football player in the history of the universe, and he’s already throwing pass patterns to receivers getting ready to win another Super Bowl SS.
“In all my life – from UCLA to the Portland Trail Blazers to the 497 Grateful Dead concerts – I’ve never seen anything quite like this guy. He’s like the sun and the wind and the stars all wrapped up in one big galactic explosion of epic proportions. Tom Brady’s life just skyrocketed onto a scale that mankind has never even fathomed let alone seen with their own eyes. What a glorious night this is for the human race. A man dedicated to his craft to a degree no one has ever seen before.”
On the sideline next to the field a tent packed with supermodels watches Tommy B. toss the pigskin around. George Foreman grills GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) meat.
Back on the other half of the field, over in a corner near the tunnel exiting the field, Belch and Kraft corner Aaron Rodgers.
“Come on, Aaron, you know you can’t win a Super Bowl without me,” says Belch. “You’ve got to come to New England. You join us and do your job and you get another Super Bowl ring and I get my seventh and tie with Brady.”
“And I’ll pay you $2 billion a year,” says Kraft.
“Let me think about it,” says Rodgers.
The three men part ways.
The pass patterns continue. For hours and hours. Well past midnight.
Then they all head to the locker room with Tom.
It’s time to study game film.
The end.
Author Profile
-
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
Latest entries
BonusApril 24, 2024German Rides Record 93-Foot Wave In Run Up to Olympics Surfing
BonusApril 22, 2024Old Friends Reconnect As New Friends
BonusApril 21, 2024Sportface Unveils Board of Directors to Land Sneaker Deal
BonusApril 20, 2024A Horrible Life Becomes Great