Back at the tailgate in the early hours of this morning, the championship party rolled on. Nobody felt like leaving the dark and dank parking lot at Lincoln Financial Field.
A few hours earlier inside that stadium, The Washington Football Team had clinched a playoff spot led by Forrest Gump’s six TDs and 675-yard rushing – an NFL single-game record. Brett Favre threw 11 TD passes and 10 interceptions.
And there the man of the hour stood. Mr. Cool, Daniel Snyder, the owner of the team, still wore his expensive dark shades even though it was dark outside.
“You’ve proven what a shrewd owner you are,” said Sammy Sportface. “You got the right coach and have drafted the right players. You deserve all the credit for putting this whole franchise together. It’s you who made all this happen, Dan, because of your natural business instincts, ability to hire the right talent, make a cohesive unit, and show us all learn how to lead by establishing rapport with others through effective interpersonal skills. You’re a brilliant man, Daniel Snyder, and I’m proud to be rooting for a team led by you.”
“Thanks, Sportface,” said Snyder. “We’re on our way to a fourth Super Bowl title and I give all the credit to everybody else in this organization who has worked so hard and come together with one mission in mind: the Lombardi Trophy. It’s never been about me.”
Sportface yells to the tailgate crowd: “Hey everybody, on this joyous evening I’d like to propose that the new name of the Washington Football Team be the Washington Synders. We all know who’s responsible for tonight’s win and the longstanding excellence of this football franchise we all love. It’s Daniel Synder, the mastermind of this outstanding family of fans. I love this man.”
The crowd roars in agreement. Beers flow. Mounds of hog meat still sizzle on the grill. The Hogs have joined the celebration: Russ Grimm, Joe Jacoby, Jeff Bostic – three linemen, each now 347 pounds and higher, who led this franchise to three Super Bowls. John Riggins, another Hog who played running back on those teams, sports a mohawk, and is enjoying drinking beer after beer.
A famous rock and roll band named Queen has joined the party. They play “We Are the Champions” to celebrate the Washington Football Team’s victory over the Eagles thereby cementing a 7 win and 9 loss season and the NFC East Division Title. Listen:
Sportface calls the leader of the Fez band. The sports blogger brokered the deal to land the half-time show gig for the February Super Bowl when the Washington Synders will have the ultimate celebration in a few weeks.
“You guys need to start writing the words and creating the music for the new Washington Synders fight song,” he said. “At the half-time show, you need to play it for the 100 million-plus Americans to enjoy.”
“We’ll get right on it, Sportface.”
“I wanna sign off on the words and the tune before we go live,” said Sportface.
“Of course, Sportface. You’ve given us this incredible opportunity for worldwide exposure and we’ll do anything you need.”
Sportface’s phone rings.
“You guys better be cookin’ GOAT meat on those grills,” says Tom Brady. “I’m the greatest of all time and you all should be celebrating that because when I get to FedUp Field next Saturday night I’m gonna show, everybody, once again that I’m the GOAT.”
“We’ve cooking hog meat,” said Sportace. “The old hogs are here. Ain’t no goat meat tonight.”
“Hey Sportace, are you betraying me?” asks TB12. “You’re not really gonna root for the Washington Snyders on Saturday after all we’ve been through together this year. We’ve become boys, traveled the country. I’ve given you all the sports scoops rather than Stephen A.”
“Afraid I’m all in with the Washington Synders, Tommy Boy,” said Sportface.
“No more scoops for you, Sportface,” said Brady. “I’m givin’ em all to Stephen A. I made you famous and this is the thanks I get?”
“You’re a pompous pretty boy who’s over the hill, Tommy B,” said Sportface. “You were a wuss to play crybaby and leave the Patriots just because you couldn’t take Belch yelling at you all the time. You acted like a sixth-grade kid. You took your ball and went home. What a crybaby.”
Chase Young walks up.
“Who you talkin’ to, Sportface?” ask the All-Pro defensive lineman for the Washington Synders.
Chase grabs the phone:
“I want you, Tommy. I want Tommy. Saturday night I’m gonna ring your clock.”
Brady hangs up.
“Time to get this show on the road,” yells Sportface.
All the hogs pile into the Wienermobile because it feels right: hogs make wiener meat. Sportface, Caliendo, and John Madden also cram in the tube-shaped vehicle that leads the procession.
Forrest Gump takes off his Alabama uniform and slips into his running shorts. All the cars and runners start their exit from the Lincoln Financial Field stadium parking lot.
On every radio in every car “We Are the Champions” blares and everybody shouts the words.
Down they go on I-95 South towards the Washington, D.C., area. On highway overpasses, fans have sings that read “We love you, Danny Boy.”
It’s been a pre-game tailgate, game, and then post-game tailgate. Sportface feels himself obsessing for stacks of waffles, French toast, pancakes, hash browns, milkshakes, and creamed chipped beef.
“Let’s keep this party going all night long,” he says. “We’re all going to Tastee Diner in Bethesda, Maryland for the biggest, most bodacious breakfast any of us have ever had.”
They all park outside the suburban diner. All of them cram in, start telling stories about how great a person Daniel Snyder is, and ordering tons of food.
“I mean, this is just the perfect night,” says John Madden. “Brett Favre threw his usual 10 interceptions and 11 touchdown passes, we’re all here eating at Sportface’s favorite diner, and I mean I mean, boom, Brett Favre is here with us. I’ve had some good times riding around the country in the Madden Cruiser but I have to say this is the greatest road trip I’ve ever been on. And it’s all because we’re with Brett Favre.”
To be continued…
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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