You’re going to make mountains of mistakes in 2021. You’re human, a derivative of gorillas and dinosaurs. You’re flawed. Don’t take it personally. Trust me, Sammy Sportface.
But there are concrete actions you can take this year to minimize the number of mistakes you make in this new year. If you avoid these 21 mishaps and missteps, you’re guaranteed to be well on your way to “Get It Done in 2021.”
Memorize this list and make a screen saver shot to post on your PC screen:
One: Don’t buy into the theory that Tom Brady and Bill Belch hate each other and are egomaniacs and desperately want to prove which one deserves more credit for the Patriots winnings six Super Bowls. It’s a mistake to accept this narrative. Tom and Bill are classy guys and hard workers and genuinely wish each other well. There’s no animus between them, no ego battles, no psychological ploys being played. Move on from this fantastical yet false storyline. It’s just not true.
Two: Don’t believe what you read about John Madden’s love affair with Brett Favre. It’s overblown and exaggerated. No man could possibly worship another as much as you’ve been led to believe Madden loves Favre. Madden’s not over the top in his deification of Favre. He’s measured in his assessments of the man.
Three: Don’t get married to Dennis Rodman. It’ll confuse you.
Four: Don’t ignore Caleb Dressel this year. He’ll be the biggest sports story in 2021 as he breaks Olympic swimming records set by Michael Phelps and wins the Sportface of the Year Award. He’ll make you forget about Michael Phelps.
Five: Don’t watch any NASCAR races unless they’re in a torrential downpour.
Six: Don’t blow off joining your neighborhood’s full-contact tetherball league. Don’t make the mistake of assuming it’s not full-contact – because it will be. And don’t assume Napoleon Dynamite won’t be on your team because he most certainly will be.
Seven: Don’t sign up for a doctor who looks like Jennifer Aniston. It’s just not productive and your health hazard. Too many distractions.
Eight: Don’t party with Cheech and Chong. They’ll steer your life off course.
Nine: Don’t listen to anything Stephen A. says for this entire year unless he’s in a soundproof room where you can’t hear him.
Ten: Don’t start this year without first listening to these top apocalyptic songs of 2020:
If pressed for time, just listen to “Point Me in the Direction” by the Partridge Family because that’ll sum up 2020 for you like nothing else could.
Eleven: Don’t listen to anything Kyrie Irving says because all of it will bother you.
Twelve: If you play golf with Brooks Koepka, don’t take any practice swings and be sure to play your fastest round of golf ever, because he hates playing golf and doesn’t like wasting any extra time on the course.
Thirteen: Don’t listen to “Let Em In” By Paul McCartney and Wings because it will change your view of McCartney. You’ve thought of him as a mega-star with the Beatles but this song will convince you John Lennon was the only musical genius with the Beatles.
Fourteen: When you come down on the fast break, don’t jump to pass because you’ll be forced to make some quick and hasty decision in the air that may not be a sound basketball play. Keep your feet on the ground so you keep your decision options open as long as possible. Heave one up from beyond the arc if you feel like it.
Fifteen: Don’t golf unless you’ve got a stack of Baconators and large chocolate Frosty milkshakes packed on your cart.
Sixteen: When you go skydiving, be sure to put on your earpieces and play Tom Petty’s “Free Falling.” But don’t get lured in by the lyrics into thinking you don’t need a parachute because you will.
Seventeen: Be quick. But don’t hurry.
Eighteen: Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because DJ Jenkins says he was Jacklyn Smith’s bodyguard that he wasn’t. You can trust DJenk with your life.
Nineteen: Don’t go on any Booz Cruises with Head because when you jump in the water you won’t be able to get back in the boat because his ladder blows.
Twenty: Don’t tell anyone you know about the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog because you’ll be opening yourself up to criticism and people will think less of you.
Twenty-one: Don’t believe anything Sammy Sportface writes. This is all a big hoax.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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