As the Beverly Hillbillies monster truck rolls into Mississippi, Jeb fires several shots from his rifle into the air just for fun and to electrify the caravan of car riders and runners.
Then he drills a bullet each in a wild turkey and possum. He then heaves today’s dinner for all into the back seat of the car for the upcoming barbecue at Mississippi’s mansion.
To celebrate the act all of them — Mississippi, Jeb, Jethro, Caitlyn Jenner, George Foreman Senior, George Foreman Junior, George Foreman Junior, George Foreman Junior, George Foreman Junior, and George Foreman Junior and dozens of others — spontaneously belt out the theme song to the “Beverly Hillbillies” from their respective caravan vehicles:
Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed,
And then one day he was shootin at some food,
And up through the ground come a bubblin crude.
Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.
Well the first thing you know ol Jed’s a millionaire,
The kinfolk said “Jed move away from there”
Said “Californy is the place you ought to be”
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly
Hills, that is. Swimmin pools, movie stars.
The Beverly Hillbillies
Well now it’s time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in.
You’re all invited back next week to this locality
To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality
Hillbilly that is. Set a spell, Take your shoes off.
Y’all come back now, y’hear?
As they sing this classic 60s tune, driver Jethro noticed a dirty truck cruising alongside his. Two guys with long hair, bum-like attire, and aimless dispositions sat inside. Each had a joint in his mouth the width of the label section of a Louisville Slugger baseball bat. Smoke filled the entire inside of the truck. You couldn’t see their faces but could hear the laughing.
“Hey man, where you guys goin’?” asks Cheech.
“To Favre’s house to grill the possum and wild turkey Jeb just shot,” said Jethro.
“Can we get stoned at Favre’s party, man?”
“As long as you let the rest of us get stoned, too,” says Jeb.
“Hey that’s no problem, man,” says Cheech. “We’ve got 70 pounds of weed in my trunk.”
Rocky, who had been running alongside Cheech and Chong’s car, asks “Does that include my dog Butkis. Butkis loves getting stoned.”
“Sure man, we’ll get Buppkiss stoned,” says Cheech. “We get stoned with dogs all the time, man.”
“Hey I mean, this is incredible,” said John Madden from the Wienbermobile rolling just behind Jeb’s Hillbillie car. “Here we are on the way to Brett Favre’s house and then, boom, Cheech and Chong drive up beside us smoking weed. I mean how could anything be better than this? Brett Favre is sitting thigh to thigh with Caitlyn Jenner and the next thing you know, boom, Cheech and Chong are joining us and I mean they’re going to join us and we’re going to Brett Favre’s house to, I mean I mean, burn up some wild turkeys and possums.”
The caravan pulls into Favre’s 465-acre plantation and mansion in Mississippi. It’s an open field and has a 100-meter swimming pool with a high dive. The house is decorated with Tommy Copper belts.
“Yahoo Bubbabaloo,” says Jethro. “Swimmin’ pool and football stars. Just what the Beverly Hillbillies have been chasing our whole lives.”
George Foreman sets up his George Foreman Grills on the pool deck and starts frying the wild turkey and possum Jeb shot with his rifle.
As the crowd gathers ’round the deck singing the Beverly Hillbillies theme song, a new person walks in from Favre’s house. It’s Kris Kardashian. Once Bruce Jenner’s lover, that ended when Bruce came out that he wanted to be Caitlyn Jenner making their relationship twisted at best.
“Hey Caitlyn,” says Chris to Caitlyn, who used to be Bruce, and on her hit TV show “Keeping Up with the Kardashians. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m with Brett Favre,” says Caitlyn. “I saw him wearing Wrangler Jeans and wanted to join him for the car ride with the Hillbillies. Hey did you hear the news? I’m getting married to Dennis Rodman and Luca’s Mom at the Super Bowl?”
“Why not just marry one of them? Why two?”
“To make the Super Bowl show an unprecedented event that no one will forget from now ’til eternity,” says Caitlyn. “One woman who used to be the Olympic Decathlete champion, marrying an NBA player’s mom and an NBA lunatic.”
“What are you doing at Favre’s house?”
“Moved in with Mississippi,” she says. “He sent me a photo on email awhile back and I liked it so I flew to Mississippi to find out more. Brett and I are dating.”
Favre puts a smooch on Chris.
Listening to this entire conversation, Madden starts hyperventilating.
“Only Brett Favre. Only Brett Favre. Only a guy like Brett Favre who is Brett Favre could make something like this happen. Here we are with Cheech and Chong and everybody and heavyweight champ George Foreman, who has five sons all named George, is over there frying possums and I mean, boom, we find out Kris Kardashian love Brett Favre. Of courses she does. Everybody loves Brett Favre. Who else besides Brett Favre could make something like this happen other than Brett Favre?”
Madden strips down to his boxers, walks to the diving board, steps up, and does a cannonball off the high dive. The board splits into five pieces because of Madden’s weight.
The splash sprays far and wide igniting the grill to a higher temperature that accelerates the meat cooking and causes Cheech to cover his weed so it doesn’t get ruined.
“We’re at Brett Favre’s house and it’s Brett Favre’s house and I mean there’s Brett Favre over there with Caitlyn Jenner and Kris Kardashian and we’ve got Forrest Gump over there killing everybody in ping pong and Butkis and the Foreman Five I mean I mean this is the greatest day of our lives and it’s all because of a guy like Brett Favre being the Brett Favre guy he is.”
Cheech blows weed smoke from his mouth into the nose of Butkis. The dog inhales. A few minutes later, Butkis falls into the pool and drops to the bottom.
“I’ll save you Butkis,” says Rocky.
He dives in and pulls his bulldog to the surface.
He comes out of the water and yells “Yo Butkis. We did it.”
“That dog is stoned, man,” says Chong. He then takes another deep hit off his Louisville Slugger.
Jethro passes around a cup of Texas Tea.
Then the music starts up again. It’s The Fez band. Earlier this week they signed a contract to perform during the half-time show at the Super Bowl. They dive into some Elvis Costello to elevate the crowd to new and unexplored heights.
“The Fez I mean, I mean, pumps me up almost as much as Brett Favre does,” says Madden. “I mean you have to give to them, they’re at Brett Favre’s house playing ‘Pump It Up” and I mean, boom, everybody’s really getting’ pumped up and it’s all because of the kind of guy Brett Favre is.”
George Senior finishes frying the turkey and possum. Everybody devours meat like wild animals. They toss the meat bones and carcasses in the pool and Bupkiss goes in and gnaws it all down, bones and all.
To be continued…
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