Danica Patrick helps her new Wrangler Jeans guy, Brett Favre, get equipped for the Big Toss contest at Lambeau Field in Green Bay.
She wraps the Tommy Copper torso band around his pelvic area and all the way around his back. Taking it slow, she caresses as she wraps and snaps.
“How does that feel, Mississippi?” she asks.
“Feels really good, nice and snug,” says Mississippi. “Sort of like my jockstrap felt when I played.”
Aaron Rodgers watches this and feels jealous. Danica used to be his steady babe but now she’s fallen hard and fast for his nemesis, the guy he hates most in the world who never helped him be a better quarterback as the backup with the Packers.
“Let’s get this contest started, Mississippi,” he says. “I’ll show Danica who got the stronger arm.”
Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, the live turduckens keep roasting on the George Foreman Lean Machine Fat-Reducing Grilling Machines.
Sammy Sportface walks up to the five sons of George Foreman all named George.
“Hey George,” he says.
“Hey Sportface,” all five George Juniors say in unison.
“What are you guys up to these days?”
One of the George Juniors explains that the five brothers have started training for the newly announced breakdancing competition to be held in the 2024 Summer Olympic Games in Paris.
“We’re gonna be called the Forman Five,” said George. “It’ll be like the second coming of the Jackson Five.”
Suddenly, the five Georges break out into the breakdancing routine they’ve been rehearsing in parking lots around the country while their Dad pumps the merits of his grills that have been sold to more than 100 million suckers since being unveiled in 1994.
On the ground spinning around, flipping up, legs flying, on their hands, on their butts, flopping and dropping, twirling and gyrating. The Sugar Hill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight” plays on the boom box next to the grills on the parking lot pavement.
“Hey Sportface, watch this trick,” said George Senior.
He tosses each of the Foreman Five a live turducken. While breakdancing each of the five juggle two live turduckens at once and then pass to each other while spinning on their heads.
On his walkie talkie, Sportface gets a message from the 50-yard line.
“Hey Sportface, we’re ready to start the big toss contest,” said Favre. “What’s the holdup?”
“The Foreman Five are breakdancing in the parking lot while juggling live turduckens,” said Sportface.
“Who are the Foreman Five?” asked Mississippi.
“The second coming of the Jackson Five,” said Sportface. “You’re gonna have to hold on. This is a big story I need to post on the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood Facebook Page.”
“I’m losing patience with this,” said John Madden from the 50-yard line. “I came here to watch my man Brett Favre heave a football, I mean, I mean, boom, out of Lambeau Field to hit some live turduckens on, boom, George Foreman’s Grills. This is Brett Favre’s time because he’s always time for all time.”
While the contest delay continues, Favre says:
“Hey Danica, wanna come with me into the Wienermobile?”
“Sure Mississippi,” she says. “Might as well keep busy. I can restrap your Tommy Copper torso belt if you’d like.”
To be continued…
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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