Bryson DeBozworth is suspicious.
He thinks Brooks Koepka quit playing golf the rest of this year for reasons other than his knee hurts.
“He feels threatened by guys like me who have been playing golf better than him this year,” said DeBozworth. “I’m not buying that he quit because his knee hurts. He can’t handle not being the world’s number one golfer. So he’s pouting.”
Koepka was reached by Zoom call today on his yacht off the coast of Jamaica.
“Hey Katy Koepka, it’s Sammy Sportface.”
“Oh hey Sammy.”
“Did you hear what DeBozworth said about you quitting the tour?”
“Yeah I read it on Instagram. You, Sportface, posted a blog about it.”
“You read it on Instagram. Sportface doesn’t know how to use Instagram.”
“OK maybe I saw it on the Sportface Facebook Brotherhood page.”
“Whatever. What’s your response to the golfing community about DeBozworth’s take on you dropping out of the golf scene?”
“Look, I don’t like golf. Never have. How many times do I have to tell everybody that? I became great and won four Majors. But just because I’m great doesn’t mean I enjoy playing the game.”
“What is it about golf you don’t like?”
“For one thing I hate DeBozworth. He’s taken the sport into the wrong areas. We don’t need body builder golfers.”
“But you’re a bodybuilder.”
“Yea but I do that for my girlfriend, not to hit my drives 360 yards.”
Katy’s phone rings.
“Hey Katy, it’s Tommy Fleetwood Mac. I want to join you on the yacht. I’ll bring my Tommy Fleetwood Mac albums. We can listen to rumors and talk about Stevie Nix.”
“It’s on, TMac. I’ll pick you up at the Jamaican harbor in an hour.”
“Can I join you guys on the yacht?” asks Sportface. “I know about Fleetwood Mac. I could add to the conversation about Stevie and the band. I know their songs, “You Can Go Your Own Way,” “Rhianna,” “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.”
“You’re a loser, Sportface. Only cool people are allowed on my yacht. No.”
“Come on, man. I’m cool. I write a blog. I write about you at least once a week.”
“Nobody reads your blog, Sportface.”
“Yea but the Baby Boomer Brotherhood is a bona fide movement.”
“I’m not a Baby Boomer, Sportface. Baby Boomer men are a bunch of has-beens.”
“You keep talking about my Brotherhood that way and I’ll start writing about how you’re a quitter and have no heart and have cheated the game of golf.”
“Go ahead, Sportface. I’ve won four Majors. You write a blog no one reads. I’ve got you.”
The phone rings.
“Katy, it’s Louis Oooossstteeisen.”
“I’m a professional golfer just like you, Katy.”
“What kind of a name of Oooooooossstteeeeisen?”
“Was born in Europe. Lots of Europeans are named Oooooosseteneiesn.”
“What do you want, Oooost?”
“I was wondering why you quit golf. Is the Sammy Sportface blog true that you don’t like to play golf and quit because you can’t take not being number one in the world?”
Katy heaves his phone in the Jamaican Sea. All around him the world is closing in. Out in the ocean far off the U.S. seaboard he figured he could get an afternoon off, be at peace. But people keep hounding him. This is why he hated golf, all the people bothering him and asking him questions about a profession he chose that didn’t fulfill him.
He pulls out another phone – one of 1,200 he owns.
“Hey Sportface, I have an idea.”
“What’s that, Katy?”
“You write a blog saying I’m going for a yacht ride with TMac. Tell everybody the real Fleetwood Mac will be playing on my yacht. It will be a party. All golfers everywhere are invited except DeBozworth.”
To be continued…
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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