Washington Redskins: Nihilistic Name-Changing Ideas for Defunct Team

Washington Redskins: Nihilistic Name-Changing Ideas for Defunct Team

The political establishment finally has Washington Redskins owner Dan Synder pinned to the ground with his arms tied behind his back, squirming and squealing like an infant throwing a temper tantrum.

Isn’t that a gratifying image, the controlling and meddlesome scoundrel who ruined pro football in our Nation’s Capitol, being controlled and forced to do something he doesn’t want to do, change the name of his franchise, the Washington Redskins, to something less racially insensitive?

No more Redskins.


How about the Washington Stink Bombs? They stink, so it fits. Or the Washington Odors? Or the Washington Dodo Heads? Or how about the Washington Weaklings?

We’re talking about one of the least successful organizations in pro sports over the past 20 years. They lose as often as Tom Brady wins. Players quit on them. Past-their-prime free agents sign with them for big money and then underperform and don’t try while pocketing fat paychecks.

How about we rename them the Washington Woefuls? Or the Washington Wipeouts? Or the Washington Walnuts? Or the Washington Wailers?

This used to be my team back when they won three Super Bowls. Now I don’t care about them anymore. I used to live and die based on whether this team won on Sundays. Now I don’t even know who is on the team.

How about the Washington Whatevers or the Washington Walruses or the Washington Wingnuts?

There is no one in the world who cares what new name this team gives itself. No one even knows anything about them anymore. They’ve managed to become so pathetic and irrelevant that people don’t even think about them anymore.

Bloggers don’t waste their time blasting and berating them or suggesting new names.

The Washington Woebegones? The Washington Washouts? The Washington Whoevers? The Washington Whiffers? The Washington Win Stoppers? The Washington Whimperers? The Washington Terribles? The Washington Blubberfaces? The Beef Jerky Skins? The Washington Weaklings? The Washington Wrecks?

What happened to the Washington Redskins? They won three Super Bowls. They were once one of the esteemed franchises in the NFL.

Then Joe Gibbs, who coached those Super Bowl teams, got a jones for NASCAR. He quit coaching and went to Charlotte to run race car teams.

Washingtonians were left in the lurch.

It’s been a cataclysmic nightmare ever since.

How about the Worst Washingtonians? Or the Rotten Skins? 

Too politically incorrect?

How about the Washington Suck Heads? Or the Majority Whipped Skins?

I’m kind of partial to the Washington Wastes.

This is so beyond sad. They say it’s bad when people criticize you, but even worse when they don’t talk about you at all.

That’s where we are. No one on planet Earth cares what the Redskins change their name to.

How about this: The Forgotten Football Team?

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Sammy Sportface
Sammy Sportface
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